Healing
97. Fragile

Arriving at the station I sat in one of the seats facing the tracks, the train had not yet departed, because indeed me and Juna left a little earlier than home, so as not to rush on the journey, so as not to rush, in addition, anticipate if something happens while on the way to the station, but fortunately the trip to the station is safe and smooth.

Juna lowered my backpack from the car, he himself did not carry much stuff, so Juna carried my luggage everywhere.

We sit next to each other, at this time the clock shows at 4 less than 15 minutes, meaning there is still 10 minutes until the train we will ride is speeding.

" I want to go to the public toilet for a while, Brother, stay here, if you're thirsty, mom brings water in my bag" Juna said as she left her backpack to me.

My big duffel bag and Juna's bag I put it on the seat right next to me. The atmosphere of the train station is quite crowded, maybe because of Sunday, many people who want to leave again to the city, to continue the routine of working tomorrow.

I prefer to check my phone which I have kept in the sling bag I carry. There were no incoming messages or calls, so I wanted to put my phone back in my bag.

But I haven't closed my zipper, my phone is shaking, there's an incoming call on my phone. When I checked it turned out that Bian was calling, I just let the call go, not intending to pick it up. I don't want to talk or talk about things that make me feel sad.

Because if I pick up, I'm sure Bian's calling because he wants to talk about our wedding cancellation yesterday.

Since yesterday I deliberately did not think about the cancellation of my marriage, I busied my brain to think about the plan and what steps I would take in the future in a new residence. Because lamenting the bad luck that has happened, and crying it is so draining and mind, I do not want to be a person who continues to wallow in sadness.

The cancellation of marriage should not make me a weak and fragile woman, I should be a strong woman and should not be whiny. I have to move forward to show everyone if I'm okay. Although I'm actually very sad and fragile.

" Why didn't you pick up the phone from me?", Bian's voice startled me who had been daydreaming.

Bian stood straight in front of me, his red eyes staring right into my eyes with shoulders up and down and irregular breathing. Looks like he ran off to get here. But who told him I was here right now?.

I was confused as to what to answer, there was no way I could make a false excuse because right now Bian was right in front of me.

" So you want to leave without saying goodbye to me?, you want to leave here because our marriage is off?. Is that why you left, Ra..?".

Bian still looked at me fixedly, I did not dare to return his eyes.

" I'm sorry", I said, bowing my head. I know Bian is currently emotional, he is angry with circumstances that do not support our relationship. And he was upset that he could not escape this situation.

" Why do you apologize Ra?, do you feel like our marriage failed because of your mistake?".

Bian bent his knees aligned his face with mine, Bian pulled my chin to look forward, towards him.

" You are innocent Ra, you are completely innocent, I am the one who should apologize, because I am a coward, and dare not defy my parents' orders. I'm actually really embarrassed to come face to face with you. But you're leaving, and this is the only chance I'll ever get to meet and talk to you in person"

" I'm sorry Ra, I'm really sorry about you, and just so you know Ra, until this moment I still can't forgive myself, I still love you so much Ra. I can't lose you".

Suddenly Bian hugged me so tightly, that I could barely breathe. Then Bian whispered softly in my ear. " If you will, I will go with you, and we can get married there. I can open a new restaurant in a new place that we're going to occupy. I will make you happy Ra, there will be no one to rule our lives and forbid our marriage".

Bian's still trying to convince me that he still loves me.

" Sufficient Bi. You must not behave like this, your family, your parents, they are the ones who have taken care of you and supported you since you were a child, they made you what you are now".

" You become successful, you become successful. Do not just because of women like me, you to break up with them, especially your mother, she is the one who has sacrificed her life to give birth to you Bi, your mother's most mustajab prayer, so don't let you hurt her".

" I don't blame you or your family for the failure of our marriage. Because the fault is in me who is lacking too much. Maybe we are both wrong because from the beginning we did not tell your parents the truth about me".

" As a woman who is already a mother too, I can understand why your mother behaved like that. No papa Bi. Maybe we are not a match. Love does not have to have each other. I love you, that's why I accepted our marriage annulment decision".

" This is how I love you, soon forget me, and may you find a good girl, who will take my place in your heart, and accompany you to your old days".

" I've never hated you Bi. You're a very nice man. And I will always remember you as my best friend".

" Thank you for all the sweet memories you've given me in my life. I won't forget all the good memories we had together. Greetings to Riko too, and give my apology for not being able to say goodbye to her directly".

The train's departure notice reads, the passengers of the train are required to enter their respective carriages. I knew Juna had been standing not far from where I and Bian were. But he didn't come closer, deliberately giving time for me and Bian talking heart to heart.

I nodded gesturing to Juna if my conversation with Bian was over. Juna approached and brought all our luggage.

" I leave Raya, Jun, please take good care of her there, I will definitely come to your place one day" said Bian.

Juna looked at Bian and nodded, "Bian sister doesn't have to worry about Kak Raya, because she lives with me. You better think about yourself, brother Bian seems to need a backrest for some time to come".

Bian just looked down not responding to Juna's words, because it was true that it was. Bian is very fragile at the moment. Same as me. We love each other, but we can't be together. It makes us both fragile.

I got into the carriage and sat by the window. Bian was still standing while staring at me. From the look in his eyes I could tell, he was actually very heavy to let go of me. But he can't do anything.

Shortly after the train began to speed, I could see Bian drooping weakly, falling down and kneeling on the floor while covering his face which was currently crying over my departure.

Sadly, that's exactly how we feel. We both really still love each other. Because it should have been, if there wasn't any chaos yesterday, today was our trip together for our honeymoon. And now we both have to be so far apart. The happiness of a honeymoon is just wishful thinking.

The tears that I had been enduring since that time with Bian finally escaped as well. I can't bear to see Bian fall like that, but I can't be selfish by being with him.

It's not that I don't want to fight for our relationship. But I was just trying to be self-aware. Indeed, from the beginning I realized, I did not deserve to be Bian's life companion. It's just that Bian always reassures me, he always shows his good attitude and makes me lulled with his good attitude. I also easily fell in love. And forget who I am.

But now that I've come to realize who I am, it's just stupid, dirty women who don't deserve a holy marriage.

I closed my love story with Bian, even though it was only a few pages, but I had to finish it for the good and happiness of all.

I knew Juna was watching me secretly. But he gave me time to shed my tears, to make me feel better. Sometimes crying can make the heart a little better.

Trees and buildings seem to be running around out there, the pace of the train is getting faster and faster. The blue sky with a slight white pattern begins to change color to orange, indicating the day begins to twilight. I don't know where I've been. All I know right now, I feel so tired after crying for quite a long time. I closed my eyes to rest for a while, before the train stopped and drove me to a new place.