Healing
8. Apologies

I continued to listen to the conversation of my mother and father who sounded like they had started to accept my situation, the hatred and anger that yesterday was still very much felt, tonight it seemed like everything had died down.

As my eyes began to feel sleepy, and about to shut up, I heard a knock from my bedroom window sound, actually who these nights of prank disturbed my rest. I opened a little window curtain in my room and I peeked out, nothing. I felt scared myself, obviously someone knocked on my window.

Finally I closed the curtains again and I turned off my room lights so I wouldn't be seen from the outside. Worrying about a prankster peeking in from outside.

Early in the morning I woke up from sleep and I heard the burning stove. Mama always cooks early in the morning, so that when leaving for work there is food for me and my sister who are at home.

Starting this morning I was allowed to leave the house, just a walk on the rocks of the yard to welcome the morning sun. Because last night that's what the obstetrician suggested when he saw my feet that slightly swell.

But before going out usually mom will wear a loose jacket so that my distended stomach is not visible.

I went out of the house and went back and forth walking on the gravel rocks barefoot like the advice of the doctor. I saw something strange in front of my window, there was a pot of rolled plants, it seemed like last night there was someone trying to peek at me from outside the window. After knowing that I thought I should be more careful and vigilant, lest there be bad people who are spying on me.

Seeing that, I rushed into the house and told my mother and father who were working together to wash clothes. It used to be me who helped mama wash, but now my papa who helps mama, since my stomach is getting bloated and difficult to squat.

" If someone is secretly peering at you, from now on you should be more careful, lest anyone know about your enlarged stomach".

" A lot of rest at home, do not need to go out of the house, mama does not want our plan to fall apart".

My mother's words were right, and I had to be even more careful from now on.

Mama and papa went to work as usual, I was again alone at home, on television that I turned on continuously even though I did not watch the show.

At least I don't feel lonely if there's a sound from the television. At about 9 I heard the door of the house being knocked, there seemed to be a guest, who were the people who were visiting this early in the morning?.

My house is one that rarely has guests coming in the morning or afternoon, because usually they know the house must be quiet, because the homeowner is working.

I peeked at who came through the window, I saw Yoga standing at my door, still wearing the school uniform, and the usual black leather jacket.

Why did he come here so early in the morning?, did he not go to school?, where papa and mama were no longer at home, I open the door or I'll just let him stand in front until he gets home by himself. I didn't invite him to come, even my mom and dad forbid me to see him again. And I was lazy to meet him too.

I just let Yoga keep knocking on my door, I locked all my doors and windows so that Yoga could not get inside.

" Great... Ra... I want to talk to you Ra...., please come out for a moment, let me see you for a moment !".

I heard the sound of Yoga screaming at me from the porch of the house. I deliberately hardened the volume of the television so I wouldn't hear her voice. But unfortunately Yoga seems to never give up. He kept banging on my door and kept shouting my name.

Actually, I was worried that my neighbor would come out because the sound of Yoga screams that were quite loud since then did not stop.

" If you don't want to go out, then listen to me talk Ra.., I won't mean you're out of the house, but please listen to what I'm saying!".

Yoga was still screaming, I finally turned off the television and I headed for the living room, I was standing behind the door.

" Have you been there Ra?, so you don't want to go out and see me again?, surely you hate me so much now".

I heard Yoga started to speak in a normal tone, as if we were having a conversation facing each other, even though we didn't actually see each other because we were blocked by the door of the house.

" I'm sorry, I can't keep up with your desire to get married right now, I still need my parents, but I promise you, one day when I'm successful with my own abilities, I'll definitely come looking for you again".

" Thank you for keeping our son, someday I will definitely return, and we will reunite Ra...".

I could hear the sound of Yoga mixed with her sobs. I don't know what I feel right now, I'm already disappointed with Yoga, and all his words are no longer there that I can believe, once he lied, he told me, then I can no longer believe his words.

My heart ached when Yoga returned to say her sweet promises. What did he say?, still love me?. Is this how she loves me?. By letting me and my family endure it all on their own. While he. and his family, just raise your hands, and even stomp on my family's self-esteem.

As if to say our son, this fetus in my stomach is my son. Only my son, because only me and my family want his presence.

" Get thee out of here, before I call papa to drive you out!, I no longer love you, I hate you so much and all your wicked family!".

" And never call this child our son, for he is only my son !. You and your family don't want it, even asking me to abort it. It's the same way you're telling me to kill him!. Therefore, let's just say this baby is dead as you wish, and never come to this house again, because I'm no longer willing to see your face again!, you are evil !".

I could not hold back the cry that I had been holding since, I left Yoga still standing at the door of the house into the room. And I shed the tears that I have endured since.

" No matter how much you hate me, someday I will come again and make you fall back in love with me Raya. Since I love you so much, I will definitely come again !".

" And if by the time I return you are already with someone else, then I will make sure that you return to my arms, for you are only mine Ra, now and forever!".

Even though I left, it turns out Yoga still continues to scream on the porch of my house. Luckily my dad came home and told him to leave.

I heard Yoga keep apologizing to my papa, and saying all the things he said to me earlier to papa. But unfortunately it seems like papa is the same as me, who no longer believes in the sweet words Yoga. We were disappointed and hated Yoga and his family.

Yoga finally left because papa threatened to contact Yoga's parents, and told them if his son still came to our house even though it was banned.

I can hear the sound of a Yoga motor moving away from my house. Papa knocked on the door telling me to unlock the house, and I went out of the room and opened the door for Papa.

" You crying?".

That was the first question you asked when you saw my face still moist, and my eyes slightly bruised.

" What does Yoga say to you?".

I just shook my head, "It's okay Pa, he said everything he said was the same papa just now, the same".

Papa took a deep breath and patted my back.

" You who are patient, Ra. don't have to be horrified again by his dreadful seduction. Once we have lied, we no longer need to believe in his words".

I immediately nodded in understanding of what Papa said.

" Raya wants to take a nap first Pa, Raya is very sleepy, must be closed for a while so as not to get dizzy" I told Papa who just came home from work.