Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Chapter 35

**your photos**

I looked at the same face as before. Apparently with a beautiful smile clearly drawn in the photo leafan I hold.

Again even though only through the sheet of photos, your smile drawn in it can make me fascinated, making me fall in love again for the umpteenth time when I see it, making me miss the more stifling the chest.

I've really been crazy about you. Your charm is amazing, able to bewitch me to this extent.

Years - years did not meet, making his face more handsome. Through your portraits, it's not a cure for longing, but it makes me want to meet more.

Again - again this miss is very torturing to me. I don't know until when I have to hold a longing that continues to rage. There is no certainty when we will meet.

Scratches of wounds because you miss you can no longer count the number.

If I could meet maybe it wouldn't hurt like this.

I always thought - if, when can we meet, sit together to spend time.

Joking laughs like before.

If we were not separated, we could always meet.

I'd love to stop in your arms back.

You can feel the soothing touch of your hand.

Waiting for time, it was boring and exhausting.

But my love for you, keeps giving me hope.

I can always be sure that we can come back one day.

I will always look forward to that day, the day we will meet again.

I wish I could still hold you like I used to.

I want to see love in your eyes when you look at me.

***

A few days ago, I exchanged photos with him.

Then when Rian went to town, I nitip to print the photo.

Well I can finally exchange photos with mas Afif now. So many years did not meet, even though only through a piece of photo can be a handsome reminder of what face I always missed.

After a few months of work I was able to buy a new phone with my paycheck.

The first salary I sent to my mother.

The next salary I collect to buy a cell phone. Even with a cheap phone. Not the latest phone either. But with that phone, I was able to exchange photos. It makes me very grateful and happy.

I am happy with what I have, I am proud of what I can buy with my own sweat.

Being able to buy something without asking parents is what makes me so important because

there is a satisfaction there.

Pride is no longer a problem for parents.

***

Every once a month, usually the beginning of the month to be exact, the boss must go to the mall, to shop for supplies of daily necessities, needs of the grandpa, kitchen needs and others.

While passing in front of an accessories store I saw a necklace that caught my attention, made me interested in having it, and finally I bought it.

Necklace with pendant shaped love is not too big, nor too small, silver in color. Very sweet in my opinion.

The pendant can be opened, on both sides can be to put a photo.

Arriving at home I cut a photo of her mas Afif the size of the locket. I put it on the right side, then the left side of my picture.

Perfect, very beautiful. Very sweet, hopefully not only his photo can be together hopefully we can also be together forever mas.

I texted him, told him I was done shopping.

📨I

Mas, what else? I'm already home. Call dong.

📩Mz Afif

📨I

Hu,um mas, tired was carrying a muter-muter on the mall. Have you eaten?

📩Mz Afif

Already on the deck wasteg, if you have eaten?

📨I

Already mas, eat noodles Aceh was the same mom boss.

📩Mz Afif

Pantes chubby hehehe, frequent snack huh?

📨I

😡 Am I fat?

📩Mz Afif

😅 Bit, but I like😍😍😍😍, still beautiful really.

📨I

😘😘Thanks. Mas call dong 😭

📩Mz Afif

🙏Sorry yes deck, can not mas again at home temen.

📨I

What time's home? I wait, huh?

📩Mz Afif's.

😑Nevent need to deck! I don't know what time I'll be home. It's already a booby first, huh? I still want to talk to you - Temen.

📨I

Yes I'm alone again dong, yes already. It's up to you. Then I sleep first.

I'm a little disappointed, because now Afif mas gather more peaceful than my phone as usual.

I'm jealous of them. I also want to be able to play and walk with him.

Because - because they or indeed the Afif mas are changing now.

My time with Afif was reduced, I felt it created a distance between us.

I was selfish because I wanted him to have time for me always. But as selfish as I am, if he wants that, what can I do?

I realized I was not who - who he was, had no right to forbid what he did even though I did not like it. I also have no right to force him to be there for me, even if I want him to.

I don't want to impose his will, let him do what he wants.

I believe that what he likes is not always for him to prioritize. Sometimes maybe he wants fun and a different atmosphere.

The choice is inevitably that I have to understand and learn to understand. The time is not entirely for me. I have no right to forbid and ask for my time. Her theme is also part of her life. In addition to work, he also needs entertainment to play to unwind his work that drains his energy.

By always thinking this way, I try to understand, I can entertain myself. Not to be disappointed and hurt.

📩Mz Afif

Adek don't be angry, sorry. I promise I'll call tomorrow. Tomorrow after lunch break I call deh. don't be angry huh dek?

I did not reply to his message, afraid that I would get out of control and instead fight because of my disappointment with him.

So I chose to go to bed immediately carrying the disappointment, still holding the necklace in hand, hoping that my longing for her was a little lessened.

Maybe this way tomorrow morning my disappointment in him will disappear by itself.

Again tonight I went through without you, the night felt so long when I didn't hear your voice.

Hopefully this is just my feeling, that there is a distance between us, there is a limit that makes us even further.

I hope tonight I can meet you. You can hug you even in a dream. So that this miss can be a little treated.