Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Chapter 44

Undecided

The morning after the mother left to work, I invited the grandpa to sit on the terrace with Brother Lili.

" What is the test score of Bang Rafid sak? "

" Good Yu, although the value is not all good, but there is no red value. "

" Thank God, my brother is still often miscalculated him, if asked about Mathematics. "

" Sister has been very fond of the same value of the Rafid bang now. There has been a lot of progress in Yu. Than the value of him yesterday - yesterday."

" Yes, brother. Yesterday he wanted to read it hard. It's fine now. "

" Yes, thanks to you, big brother, thank you very much Yu. "

" I'm a big brother, thank you. They are paid every month. Bang Rafid is also very passionate about learning."

" Same - same Yu it's nothing. Oh yes Yu, that's his son mother who guards the front counter was also rich Rafid first. It was almost all red. Yesterday after receiving the report he saw Nila Rafid. He was surprised, how can Rafid value there can be such a big progress. I keep telling you about being taught by you. She's interested, ask you to teach her son."

" Bang Rafid also told me that his son mother wanted to join the study together, but did not know, never came too. Is it possible because of learning malem, brother? "

" Not knowing Yu either. Maybe because her mother hasn't given her permission and her name is the same as yours. "

" Then he said that yesterday. Want to come with his son to be taught to you."

" What a hell, brother. I want to - want to. Really seneng. But I think I'm out of Eid not come back here again. "

" why? I can't see our dong anymore. No more talking brother Yu. "

" To be honest, I was worried. But after I consider it, I don't think I'll come back here anymore. I told you the same nda. He's got my replacement."

" Yes, my sister is going to miss you."

" I'm also going to miss my sister. "

Lili's sister was the only one to talk to me here. Vegetable shopping at the market is the same. Big brother is so good with me. I consider her like my mother.

Actually, Lili's offer is quite entertaining. I love teaching, learning with kids is fun. But my decision not to go back was unanimous.

work here is comfortable but far away. Maybe because I have a mind to go back to Jogja and work there. That's why the offer didn't shake my resolve.

Coincidentally my pulsaku is exhausted. Yesterday make the same phone call. I can buy it at night.

Some nights off do not study with the Rafid bang. Because it is still a holiday, so the Rafid bang does not want to learn.

I asked to take Rian, because I did not dare to bring my own bike, afraid of falling.

After the incident back then, I was a bit awkward as a brother. Sometimes I avoid my brother. But I try to look like I always do.

" Bang deliver yuk forward, "take me. It just so happened that my brother was sitting on the terrace.

" Where's the deck going, huh,? "

" Want to buy pulses, same as buyin ibuk pulses."

" Yes already ayok. Do you want to go all the way - no way? "

" no bang, I had the same permission mom just wanted to buy a pulse forward. "

" Yes already. Brother also wants ajo place to buy drinks. "

Upon reaching the destination,

" So wait here. I'm going next door to buy pulses. "

" Brother of inter yes. "

" Good sweet lady. "

I walked towards the counter which was only a few steps away from Ajo's shop.

" Want to buy buk pulses, "

" How many? "

" This is buk, these two numbers. Twenty Thousand yes, " while I hand over a small paper that has written my number and mother's number.

" Twenty Thousand all? "

" Yes buk. "

" Oh yes said Lili you who taught Rafid to learn huh? "

" Yes, I often study with him."

I actually don't like the word teaching or teaching. Because I'm not that smart to be a teacher. I prefer the word study together. Because we did learn from each other, I learned how to make each of what I taught easy to digest and understand.Learn to use words that are easy to understand, and, what learning methods are not boring and many others.

" Can I teach my son not? "

" Oh buk, sorry before, I can't seem to. After that I did not come back here again buk, "

" Later he asked for payment how much I love mbak. Just want to teach my son."

" It's not a matter of pay. I will not come back here again. "

" Reverse why mbak? it's a pity that mbak, if mbak can not be good."

" There are things that make me unable to come back here again buk. "

" Oh yes, if so. "

I paid the credit and followed the brother who was still waiting for me.

" Here bang, come home. "

" So, no one wants to buy anymore?"

" Not really."

" Yes up, handle let's not fall."

" Yes bang. "

" So, what was the deck like? "

" Why is it bang? long huh? "

" Not the deck. "

" That's bang, his son asked in teaching rich bang Rafid. He'll pay whatever I ask."

" continue? "

" Yes, I can't bang. I didn't come back here."

" Will you not come back again? is there no story with brother? " Task brother, I'm sure he must be shocked and disappointed.

" Yes not yet a bang, wait for the right time."

" When is the deck, when is the deck already in the village?"

" I'm sorry, I wanted to say, but wait for the right time. "

My brother just kept quiet, didn't reply to my conversation. Until I got home my brother was still silent. I know you must be angry.

Sorry I didn't mean to hurt you bang. I honestly can't love my brother completely. Not that I'm playing with brother's heart either. I'm comfortable with my brother, so that feeling that what we're doing is already breaking boundaries. But strangely it makes me addicted. What we did was wrong. I'm afraid, that I unknowingly made you an impingement. Because without love, it turns out I can give a part of myself to you. I think it's just pleasure alone that can divert my mind that is often still on him. If this lust I keep going I think I'm going to destroy myself and you bang. Because none of us will be able to stop it. If I don't stop it from now on, I'm afraid I'll hurt you.