Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Chapter 59

Plan mbak Yani

After the painful incident at that time, I vented my disappointment by busying myself and focusing on work. So I can take my mind off of it. I do not want to continue to drag on - drowning in sadness and pain.

I want to be able to get up and reorganize my heart like before.

My life still has to go on, still fighting for myself and the people I love.

My life, my happiness, won't stop just because I'm not with her anymore.

Without him this life still goes on, without him I can also be happy. My life is not just for him. There are a lot of people I still have to be happy with.

Maybe you were my first girlfriend, the second person to teach me about love after my parents.

You are indeed the one who gives color and gives love that I have never understood before.

I really love and love you.

Without you it is not easy.

I can't deny, in fact when you ignore me, it makes me hurt.

But my purpose in life is not just to pursue love and be with you.

At first it may be very difficult to forget and let go of you, but with time I can definitely do that.

My life goal is not just you, but there are still many who need me. I still love me a lot.

I will soon rise up and live my life again. Even if this time without you, I can.

That's how I'm going to continue to suggest and encourage myself so that I don't drown in grief.

To be able to quickly rise up and accept the reality.

***

I go home once a month to visit Mbah, even if it's just a little while, if it's too long at home I'll remember him again. I was too scared to face it. I was afraid of the pain, when the memories repeated in my memory when I went home and saw every corner of the silent witness of my togetherness.

Well my house is full of memories with him, that's why I don't feel at home.

I prefer to work, even though sometimes I feel very tired.

***

At bedtime I occasionally took the time to call Mbak Yani. Ms. Yani always asks me about my situation, she always worries about me, as long as I am here she is always monitoring and making sure that I am okay. She really played a very responsible sister and I considered her my second mother. His mature and affectionate attitude made me comfortable and happy to be by his side.

" Mr mbak Assalamualaikum."

" Waalaikum greetings Yu,"

" What else is mbak?"

" Just got home. What's up?"

" It's nothing, it's just a long time no talking."

" Kirain is not at home, keep asking to be picked up."

" Yes not mbak, look for work is not that easy. Although it's exhausting here, but I enjoy it."

" Remember if you don't feel at home don't be forced, then even sick."

" Yes yes, I've memorized those words."

" Oh yes Yu tomorrow I want to go home, will you come home? you haven't come home this month, have you?"

" Well, it's been months and months also haven't moved on it turns out, come on don't run and continue rich gini, you won't go forward if you run away. The more you run, the more you will not be able to move on. Face it pain. When do you keep going home? that's your home, you will live there, if you keep going? where do you want to live if you don't feel at home?"

" Yes, too, mbak,"

" That's why it's time you face, don't run away and get rich gini. It's time you opened Yu's heart. What if tomorrow is right back home we walk - walk. Culinary tourism that, you really like eating the same snacks, time can make your feelings improve."

" Good idea, mbak, as long as nyampe here also never walk right."

" Yes, do not just work continuously, will take a night walk while the culinary let the mind also fresh. Work continues to stress Yu, hahahaha."

" Hahaha apparently can work stress as well huh mbak Yani, I guess mbak Yani is the type of person who is crazy Work?"

" Yes can be, I'm not really crazy work ya. what difference I'm the same you try. We are both human times Yu. A lot of work can also be dizzy, what else think about college, a lot of tasks."

" Not to mention thinking of my girlfriend, hahaha."

" Relax if it's not going to make you dizzy, he's quite understanding."

" I'm just jealous, oh, tomorrow isn't it the same boyfriend?"

" No, it's just you."

Yani never talked about her romance in front of me. Maybe he's keeping my feelings in check too. I don't want to talk about her happiness when I'm like this.

" Okay, I'll wait tomorrow. What time do you want to pick her up?"

" Morning by Yu. You're not teaching, are you? if you get home in the morning can rest all day at home."

" Yes give energy to eat a lot. Hahaha, like tomorrow there are only a few children in 5th grade - 6th grade, it's Ririn's book that holds mbak."

" Eating doesn't take that much energy yu time. I'm tired if we keep going straight from here to the culinary."

" Okay, I followed Yani. I'm going wherever you want to take me."

" Why impression I'm rich again want to go with a boyfriend. Haha"

" Yes yes, but not really. The path of the beloved is not a bad thing either. Hehe."

" Yes tomorrow I picked up, must be ready so I can go home. I'm lazy wait a long time."

" Yes, I'll see you tomorrow. Assalamualaikum"

" Yes waalaikumsalam."

After turning off the call, I immediately asked Ririn's mom's permission to come home tomorrow morning.

In the morning, after Mbak Yani picked me up we immediately rushed home.

" Don't you stop by first?"

" No Yu. I'll be here tonight."

" Okay, I wait."

" Oh yeah, I'm home."

" Oh, my heart is on the road."

When I got home I immediately rested.

I have to overcome this pain, I can't keep going. Although this house has many memories of him and it makes me miss him it hurts, I have to get through it. I have to get used to it and make friends with the pain. That way the memories of him won't bother me.