Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Chapter 37

The painful truth

Upon arrival at home, I put the grandpa to bed first and then say goodbye, the boss wants to rest immediately.

Shopping around was quite tiring, plus it can be unexpected surprises. It feels amazing.

I can't wait to reply to that message. And put out all the questions that were waiting in my mind.

📨I

What's my fault? please tell me, where exactly are the mistakes I've made? can you talk about it well? why did you want to end this relationship? if I'm wrong I'm sorry, please don't get rich. Give me a clear reason.

📩Mz Afif

I feel like you've changed decks, I call rarely get picked up, my messages are rarely answered. I know you're close to that guy again, so ignore me again like I was before.

📨I

There's always a reason why I didn't pick up the phone and reply to your messages. Om Rian mean mas? I have nothing to do with him. You know, how important you are to me, how much you mean to me, I can't ignore you for no apparent reason. Do you not trust me anymore? all right, I know. Since I have hurt you so many times before, I will try to understand. Maybe my various explanations you no longer believe. After all, what does it mean to be a relationship if you do not trust each other. As magnificent as the palace if the foundation is damaged will still collapse. All this time I've trusted you so much, there's not a single shred of doubt for you. I try to always understand and follow everything you want. If love and affection are not asked again, of course I love you even you will never understand how much this feels for you. But maybe it's me who doesn't deserve to be with you right now.

Tired of typing, I decided to call him.

" Hello mas, assalamu'alaikum? "

" Yes waalaikumsalam."

" I'll accept your decision. Honestly, I'm still confused about your reasons, for me, your reasons are just excuses, because you want to end our relationship. I don't want to know you, whatever your reason, I just want you to know that I love and love you so much.

Even so I will also respect your decision, if I want you then I accept mas. Honestly this hurts mas, it hurts a lot, I'm also very disappointed, but it's okay, I'll try to accept it, even though it's not an easy thing for me.

Thank you for being present in my life. Gave me a beautiful color in my life that I've never seen before. Don't ask me to forget you, because I can never do it. Don't force me not to love you, I can never do it either. Let this love dwell in the heart, even though it is no longer reciprocated. Thank you for loving, accompanying and always being there for me and making my life more meaningful. I'm sorry if I've been hurting and disappointed all this time. Again, sorry and thank you for everything. "

I immediately disconnected the call without waiting for a reply from her, because I could no longer hold back my tears.

I covered my face with a pillow, and I cried. Shedding all my heartache, venting all my anger and disappointment.

What did I mean to you all this time? why are you this old. Is it true that's just the reason? but your reason is far too much - ngada. I'm disappointed in you.

What about the memories we have made? how am I going to forget it?

If you really want to end our relationship, tell the truth.

I stopped my crying, because I was afraid that my eyes might swell tomorrow. Actually it still hurts a lot, but I remember that I work in people's places.

Maybe I can stop my crying. But my mind and my heart are falling apart.

This is a very painful reality.

How not, he who has always been there for me all this time, he became my strength when I was at my worst point. He comforted me, calmed me and strengthened me. He who always whispers the word love, he who always carves my smile in the middle of my sobs. Love our grief, our togetherness all this time, how can I forget it? why are you this long, leaving me when I still love you so much.

In the morning I opened a message from him.

📩Mas Afif

I'm sorry I had to make this decision, it might be best for us, not to hurt each other for longer. I hope you can accept it. Although we cannot be together as lovers, hopefully we can stay together to be good friends.

How can you easily say that, to accept your decision, it takes me a lot of time. The pain you're giving me doesn't make it that easy to accept reality.

I never thought it was you who ended our relationship.

This really surprised me. I still don't really believe that you're going this hard on me..

I didn't reply to that message. Because now I need more alone time. To digest all this reality, so that I can accept it with all my heart.

Sorry for a while I couldn't reply to your message.

I need to make peace with the situation first.

You gave me choices that were equally painful.

Before I decide to make friends or forget, I can't call you just yet.

So that I can make a decision that if I can find one that is not so painful.

I need time to accept this reality.

If I find an answer later, I'll look for you again. Hope your number is still this one.

" The spirit of ayu!!! worktime. Remember, you can not bring problems in the work. must be excited, can not be sad anymore." I muttered to myself.

That's how I encourage myself. Actually my heart still hurts so much that I'm not excited. But to this day should be able to put aside this personal matter first. Work should focus. Cannot be affected.

I know it's not easy. But inevitably I have to go.

Maybe this is part of God's plan.

God does not allow the togetherness that I have dreamed of.

Warning that what I want is not always what I can get.

There's a meeting there's gotta be a farewell.

Learning to give up something that is not destined.

Gave me wounds to teach me to be more mature.

Giving trials to teach the meaning of patience.

Feeling lost in order to learn the meaning of a truthfulness.