Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Chapter 48

**Move On again**

At first my goal came to the other side just to meet him.

When I knew the reality did not match what I wanted, I became hesitant, between going home or continuing to make money.

My spirit is completely gone.

I close my eyes, let the tears flow as I please.

An excruciating pain, which cannot be explained by words.

I look back on the good times I had with him.

I still feel how happy I used to be.

When the light of my hope dimmed. There is a mother figure in my memory.

I almost forgot her, and gave up on all this. I forgot that I still had to fight to make her happy. I decided to call mom.

" Assalamu'alaikum. "

" Wa'alaikumsalam's. What's wrong with the night - the phone night, nothing - what is it? "

" Nothing - what kok buk.Buk Ayu bother no? "

" No nduk. I also can't sleep. What's the matter tell me about nduk?"

" Just like my mother said, I shouldn't expect much. He's already someone else's buk now."

" Are you sure, or maybe just misunderstand?"

" Honey this time right buk, I make sure it through mas Bima."

" It must be heavy? do you want to go home?"

" Not buk. I can't go home now."

" Do you still want to look for him? "

" Not even buk. I'll stay here looking for money to buy my needs. I must also mourn to return to the place of prayer."

" You must be strong. It's really painful. Maybe fate won't let you be with him. Maybe he's not your soul mate. Let's say son, I'm so sure you'll find someone who loves you."

" I love him buk. I miss him, can I forget him buk?"

" It's not easy to forget how you feel. Remember what you two went through. You guys are together not for a moment. Try to

take it, son, you can."

" Please pray that Ayu can buk.

" Well son, I always pray for the best for you and Believe in what God has planned, there will be a time when you will be happy with the man you love, even though it's not him. Stop wishing on her, son, your hopes always end up hurting you. I can't have you like this. I wish you were happy. Just let go and forget, son."

" Thank you buk. To forget it Ayu will not be able to open. In order to save it, I will try. Indeed from the beginning the blame was on me buk, so if I had to lose her was my punishment, I would accept it. Maybe I don't deserve him because I always hurt him. Let him have the happiness that I have not been able to give. Even if it means I have to cut it. I am slowly trying to buk. I miss you so much, buk."

" I know it's very difficult, but I'm sure you can. It's night break, son."

" Yes buk."

" Don't think too much about it if you get sick, I believe you can. Mother girl must be as strong as mother. Your journey is still long, son, ahead there have been many trials that are heavier than this waiting for you. If only this time you could not get through it what about the next one. This is how God has forged you to be better. Later do not repeat the same mistake, you already feel the consequences, right?

You should appreciate the people who love you."

" Keep health, son, I'm worried you're sick, don't mind much. Slow down so you don't suffer."

It's easy to say I'll try to be sincere, but to properly live it I don't know. Just thinking about her being with another woman was already this sick. What else to see him happy with his lover. It's hypocritical that I say I'm happy too. Honestly my heart is broken, it hurts amazingly. But yes, I tried slowly. It is time I accepted this harsh reality and lived it with all my heart.

" Yes buk. I'll take care of myself. Just calm down, don't worry. I won't be sick, hehehe."

" Ibuk believe, a great girl mother, can definitely get through this. I miss you too, Nduk. Get some sleep, kid, it's night. Tomorrow you have to work, don't think too much later you'll get sick."

" Yes buk. Ibuk also rest yes, take care of health. assalamu'alaikum."

" It must be nduk. Wa'alaikumsalam. "

After calling mom. My feelings have improved. My heart also feels calmer.

There is no one who can calm me, like him who can calm me even through his gentle voice, with all his advice.

Love and affection are unconditionally sincere, without demands and without rewards.

Loving me for who I am, without asking me to be someone else.

Who loves me despite all my shortcomings.

Mom, you are the true love of my life.

Thank you for all your love and affection.

Thank you also for every prayer you ask for my health, safety and happiness.

Well I can be as strong as you.

What I feel is nothing - what is it on appeal that I often feel first.

It turns out this is how it feels when the person we love so much is with another woman.

So hurt. But I'll try to be sincere.

I don't want to worry Mom.

I can definitely open it.

Thank you buk has always been there and continues to support me.

I love you so much.

It was originally my purpose to come here to meet him. Now I focus myself completely on working.

The purpose of my life is not to pursue it alone, there are more important things that make mother and family happy.

With my busy life, I hope slowly to forget him.

Still with the same longing for him. Although it torments me, but I try to enjoy it.

Because by removing it it makes me even more tormented.

I miss you, I still feel it all the time. The shadow of your face when I remember you can't be a cure for my miss. I really enjoyed this pain. May this pain erode a little bit of longing because I still love you so much. If I could stop loving you, maybe this wouldn't shackle me.

The fact that you've loved and loved another woman can't force me to stop loving you.

I don't know since when I could have loved you this deep.

I don't know how to stop loving you. Because as long as I love you, this longing will continue to torment me. Maybe as long as I remember you, this love won't go away.

*Even r*pain because I'm disappointed in you can't be a reason for me to stop loving you.