Mistakes & Selfishness Behind Happiness
Extra part 8

Everything came back to the way it was.

My relationship is good - okay. Sometimes there are small fights or disagreements, but for me, it's normal.

I call my mother sometimes to ask her news. Take off longs too, but can not linger - long. I still don't want you to know about my freedom here.

I don't want to hurt him.

Many times my mother reminded me to rethink my decision to marry mas Nirwan, but my answer still remains the same, I will still marry him.

Today I was scared to death.

It should have been yesterday after tomorrow that was my usual date of month, but until now I have not come month as well.

Actually I came the feathers are also irregular, sometimes forward, sometimes even backward even two months only come one month.

But because I've done "IT" several times, coming late this month scares me half to death.

Well I'm so scared when I get pregnant, how will my parents feel if I get pregnant, what else is not married. Surely my mother was very disappointed, not to mention the gossip of the neighbors. Surely they blame my parents, but here the fault lies with me, who did not obey, did not listen, and could not take care of myself. My father would be very embarrassed.

I don't want that to happen.

Plus I was carefree, my head was dizzy, my body was limp, nausea - nausea too, ah it made me very afraid. My mind wanders everywhere - where.

Because that nausea makes my estimate of pregnancy very likely.

Not feeling well, as well as my chaotic thoughts, I asked permission to take a day off, and I told mas Nirwan to pick me up.

" Go back to the shop, I don't think I'm strong when I go home."

" Why not tell me if it hurts, I can pick it up before you get this bad."

" Yes, I don't think it's going to be this bad, usually it's just dizziness and keep healing."

" Yes already tight grip, later if for example not strong say yes, I'm afraid you fall."

" That's why it's a little speeding let's get there fast."

" Yes." Yeah."

The distance from my workplace to the Nirwan mas stall is not that far away, so it does not take long to drive.

Arriving at the stall, I immediately rushed to the room, because I could not stand my head spinning anymore. I want to fall down immediately.

Mas Nirwan followed me with warm tea and a plate of rice and side dishes.

" Feed first, must not have eaten, right?"

I do not taste the food that mas Nirwan bring, but usually I like the fried chicken menu in this lesehan.

I want to eat meatballs with hot and spicy gravy, drink his iced orange.

Imagining food makes me hungry.

" Wake up first geh, I'm bribing."

" I don't want to eat that mas."

" Well what do you want to eat?"

" Meatballs."

" Yes later to buy Adi, yes already drink the tea first, then go cold."

" Ice oranges."

" You are sick again. I can't drink ice."

" Yes yes, a little bit. Really want to."

" Yes, I made it first,"

" Don't forget the meat."

" Yes dear."

I can't wait for the meatballs to come, my stomach's been rumbling.

Not waiting long, finally mas Nirwan came carrying a tray containing my ordered food.

" Here, here I'm a bribe."

" No, I want to eat alone."

" Love the sambel not much - much."

" It's not good if you don't care."

" Don't ngeyel ngeyel ngapa deck if you say."

If mas Nirwan has called me "DEK" it means he is in a serious condition and cannot be denied.

" Yes, yeah."

I eat it with greed, until the bowl is clean even the sauce is not left.

" It's good, sek? "

" he, um. It's really good for you."

" It's. Mas?"

I slept on the lap of Nirwan sitting beside me.

" Yes sek."

" Pijitin my head, let it hurt but slow down."

" Yes." Yeah."

" Daddy?"

" Yes, what's wrong?"

" em's. How am I pregnant?"

" It can't be sek."

" Why is that not possible?"

" Every time I play, I don't go out in the dalem."

" Yes can be aja mas, what else never use safety, just aja pas mas do not feel or late nyabutnya."

" Yes not sek."

" But I'm late for the month of gold, and I'm still nauseous."

" Don't don't you get sick because you think that?"

" No idea, I'm so scared, we don't have to do that anymore, do we?"

" Convinced? Did you hold it?"

" Yes don't know either, it's you who always make me can't stand it. But if it's rich gini I'm afraid of it."

" Don't be afraid, you're not pregnant, trust me."

" But if so?"

" Yes, papa."

" I'm not ready for you."

I don't want to hurt my parents. I realized I couldn't be happy with them, but at least I didn't hurt them.

" I'm not going to tell you to drop it, am I?"

" No, I'm not that old."

" What else am I, it's our fault. He doesn't know what, he deserves to live. He's out of marriage, isn't it our fault that made him. Dare to do yes must dare to take responsibility. Even though I wasn't ready, if I were really pregnant, even if I had to hurt and embarrass my parents, I would still take care of her. Even if I don't want the responsibility to raise her, I will love her with all the affection I have."

" It's just that you take a break, don't think strangely. If you're pregnant, you'll take the responsibility quietly, it'll still be our son."

" Are ya?"

" Yes sek."

Maybe if you are married, late coming of the month is the thing to wait for. Pregnancy is always a dream.the news of pregnancy is a happy thing.

But if again dating gini, for me late coming months is the thing I do not want the most. If you are pregnant, it becomes a burden on your mind.

The news of pregnancy is sadness, being a gossip, being a very embarrassing and painful thing. Although it will pass with time but still, if I may ask, I do not want to get pregnant before it is cleared.

But if it really happened, I would still face it even if it wasn't easy. There will be a lot of anger, disappointment from loved ones, and gossip and abuse from people around me that I will receive.

Well I do have to prepare my heart for all the possibilities that will happen later.

" Are you sick what Yu?" ask Adi who arrived - arrived in.

" It hurts bad." My answer.

" Where - where, already from ancient times also if the name is sick it must not be tasty. Don't don't there's no junior Nirwan yet?"

Adi's question made me speechless, I'm not used to answering.

" He wants to rest, don't bother! wait ahead if there's a buyer." Said mas Nirwan.

" Yes, boss, very fierce, it just wants to see Ayu's condition."

" Yes already mas, just help Adi in the future. I want to rest, not won't papa." I said to Nirwan.

" Liain Yu, let me take care, not too crowded, I myself can still. Let him here, later if you need anything - is there anyone he can take." Adi said.

" Yes, Adi is waiting in front, later if I have been there a lot of help. Now you want to take a break." Imbuh mas Nirwan's.

" You guys are just jealous. My single soul continues to thrash - thrashing to see your romance that makes you feel so bad. Yeah, I've been forward first, linger - long here makes sad." Adi said as she passed away.

I also chuckled at it.

" Yeah now sleep to heal, don't mind much."

" Wipe - wipe my waist mas, really big pegel."

" Yes, but a little sleep."

A sip of Nirwan's hand ushered me into the dream world in my deep sleep this afternoon.