The Essence Of The Darkness
EOTL eps 77: The Rebellion of the Heart

Xavier's stunned.

The man never got out of control before and always seemed calm and able to control himself. However, this time a real-looking shock loomed over his face, making him look pale and for a while only able to stand there, looking at Sera with a faint tongue.

“You said what?” When Sera only looked at him awkwardly as if waiting for his answer, Xavier finally asked back to convince himself.

Sera bit her lower lip as if she was misbehaving, but the woman spoke unobtrusively, repeating her question.

“A-do you want to... touch my stomach?” slowly tanyanya.

Xavier this time heard the same question spoken clearly for the second time. He certainly did not hear it wrong.

Xavier's eyes were fixed on Sera's stomach. The man then swallowed his saliva. During this time when with Sera, Xavier always refrained from touching or even glancing at Sera's stomach. There was an urge in his soul that forbade him from making any kind of contact with the stomach where the fetus was growing. It was all done to protect himself and the child, so that he would not cultivate emotional closeness from within his soul to the little creature that was growing in Sera's belly. In fact, even when he made love to Sera, Xavier always avoided Sera's stomach area, not at all trying to touch her.

Xavier thinks that he will manage to avoid Sera until Sera gives birth safely so that she can die without creating a strong emotional bond with the mother and baby that has completely turned her world upside down. He used to think that things would go according to the plan he had neatly arranged. Unfortunately, even a genius like himself, can make mistakes when it comes to planning that depends on human feelings.

Human feelings are sometimes completely unpredictable, as they are now. With all the problems in their relationship, it was not at all suspected that Sera would be kind enough to offer him an offer to touch his stomach.It was a tempting offer and immediately tear down Xavier's defensive wall instantly.

Because Xavier is convinced that all future fathers in this world –himself is not an exception - certainly will not be able to refuse the opportunity offered voluntarily by a woman who contains her seeds in her stomach.

“Xavier?” Sera finally called out in a cautious tone as Xavier did not voice his answer. Xavier's attitude made Sera's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, she was really awkward because she had impulsively offered Xavier to touch her stomach. “K-if you don't want to be okay. I'm sorry I offered it.” Sera finally made a sound while looking away, unable to look directly into the eyes of Xavier who was looking at her fixedly.

Stupid him. Why would he offer such an intimate thing that he shouldn't offer? Ask Xavier to touch his stomach? Now Sera looked like a self-deprecating fool and begged to be touched by the man.

“I want.” Xavier's voice sounded resolute, suddenly breaking the stifling silence that had been created in the treatment room. The man then cleared his throat for a moment, looking equally wrong with Sera when speaking to reinforce his previous sentence. “I mean, I want to touch your stomach.. if you allow it.”.

Sera's eyes widened as if in disbelief listening to that straightforward answer. When he offered, he was almost one hundred percent sure that the man would reject him raw.The nervousness instantly hit him, creating an awkward feel that stifled the chest.

“K-you want to touch it now?” Sera finally asked like a dazed person, let alone Xavier seemingly taking the same stiff stance, motionless and still standing in place as if frozen.

“Oke.” Xavier answered without a second thought. The man then brought himself closer to the edge of the bed, looking at Sera who was half-sitting by propping a large pillow on her back on the hospital bed.

Xavier bowed his body near Sera, at first the man looked doubtful, even Sera could see how Xavier gulped his saliva several times as if a rope was entangling him and making him stifled to touch.

Come to think of it, Xavier never touched her stomach after learning of Sera's pregnancy. Even in the most intimate moments they both seemed to avoid the area where the baby grew.... Did Xavier deliberately stay away from his child even before the child was born?

Xavier cleared his throat, dashed his doubts, then after a long sigh, the man finally cupped his hands in Sera's stomach, initially careful, touching the skin of her palm gently before then cupping it completely. The man lowered his head, looked at Sera's stomach and was stunned for a moment, before then raised his head and grinned towards Sera.

“Your stomach is still flat,” he said later in an awkward tone.

Xavier's seemingly insecure attitude was like a child who was perplexed at being forced to do new things outside of his comfort zone and looked different than usual it made Sera inevitably hold back a smile. Once again the impulsive impulse makes him do things beyond his logic. Sera's hand moved on her own, opened her front-facing dress and removed the button strand on her abdomen to reveal the surface of her abdominal skin, then Sera touched Xavier's hand and placed it there, letting Xavier's cold palms touch his warm stomach.

Xavier's stunned. His eyes were fixed on the tiny hand of Sera who was still holding her hand. The senses touch Sera's soft skin, right on her stomach. It was only when the skin-to-skin touch was directly without the cloth blocking that Xavier realized that Sera's stomach felt harder than normal stomach.

Losing his awkwardness, Xavier was immediately pushed to check. His palms went down, touching and palpating on the surface of Sera's abdominal skin, before the man raised his head a little in amazement.

“Your stomach.... harder than usual?” tanyanya wasn't sure.

Sera smiled looking at Xavier's confused-looking attitude. “Ya.. since a few weeks ago it was like this. Elana said that for a pregnancy of almost eight weeks, usually the stomach of pregnant women is still not protruding, and will only appear to grow rapidly after the age of sixteen weeks. But, my stomach has been slightly swollen at a young gestational age, you feel it too, right?”

Feeling carefree about being able to talk about her pregnancy with Xavier, Sera unconsciously cupped her hands in Xavier's hands and moved her hands rubbing her stomach without any significant resistance.

“Doctor Nathan said, likely because of my thin uterine wall. Or maybe this is really a twin baby as predicted so that my stomach enlarges faster because there are two babies growing together.”

“Your thin uterine wall?” Sera's words caught Xavier's attention instantly. Xavier's eyes lifted, staring at Sera vigilantly. “Why don't I know about it? Is that dangerous for you?” ask her with a tense voice.

Sera blinked her eyes. “Eh... I don't know, Nathan's doctor once mentioned that during a routine checkup of my pregnancy. You're not there, so I thought Doctor Nathan had reported everything to you.”

Nathan may have tried to contact her to explain her examination of Serafina in detail, but several times Xavier refused to listen to her, trying to get away emotionally from Sera and her baby, so refuse to listen to things that can make his heart warm and his feelings are tied to the pregnant woman and the child in the womb.

In the end, though, Xavier simply tells Nathan that he doesn't care about any small details and insists to Nathan that the most important thing for him is that Nathan should be able to ensure Sera conceives safely until she gives birth to her child.

Perhaps it was also that made Nathan stop reporting the results of the examination of the condition of Sera's pregnancy to him.

Xavier thins his lips. Now regret crept in when he realized that Sera could have been having problems with her womb without him knowing.

Xavier's hand still cupped Sera's stomach, but now the man focused his full attention on her face.

“You are most likely pregnant with twins, but the walls of your uterus are thin. Will it put your life at risk?” the question was slow, overwhelmed with fearful thoughts of the future.

Xavier will definitely ask Nathan's doctor for a detailed explanation of this. Although the goal of Sera's pregnancy was for Xavier to have offspring that could carry on her bloodline, she did not want Sera to have a risky pregnancy that would threaten her life in the process.

As Xavier struggled with his guilt, Sera even thought the opposite. The woman could not help the big smile that was coming out of her lips. For some reason, Xavier's attention to him at this moment was pleasant and made his heart warm.

Maybe it's all because of the boost of hormones in her body, which makes her as a pregnant woman feel like being loved and cared for.

“I'm fine. You didn't see? Even my appetite is good and I don't experience nausea vomiting at all.” Sera rubbed the back of Xavier's hand that was still cupping his stomach. “I think the child in this stomach is also healthy and fine.”

Xavier's eyes were fixed again to Sera's stomach. For some reason, suddenly the taste of haru burst into his soul, filled his chest to the brim and made his throat stuck speechless.

This woman was struggling to conceive her child, and in Sera's belly, there was her child, her flesh and blood growing and struggling to live. While she….

Xavier gritted his teeth, his head raised and directly stared at Sera. When the clear eyes looked back at him sinlessly and without vengeance, Xavier's head immediately ached, pressed down by a punch of unforgiving guilt.

Xavier moved his hand to massage the base of his nose, then spoke slowly in a surrender tone.

“I'm a little tired. Can I lie down with you for a moment?”

The question made Sera widen her eyes with a mouthful of surprise.

This man had never asked permission before. Why did he have to ask permission now?

Sera gulped and finally nodded her head. He slowly shifted his body on the bed, giving Xavier room to lie down.

“You can lie here,” he said gently later.

A smile full of irony inevitably appeared on Xavier's lips. He was aware that since the beginning of his meeting with Sera, he had done cruel and coercive things that hurt this woman in front of him. Xavier has put Sera in a cornered situation, threatening her, urging her and also forcing the woman into his possession.

Sera deserved to hate him and everything would be easier if the woman chose to hate him half to death. Xavier more easily handled the overflowing hatred with his almost numb heart. However, why was Sera even being nice to him? Sera's attitude was confusing.

What should he do to this woman so that the burden of guilt on her shoulders can be lost and not suffocate her?

Xavier's body moved wordlessly, rising up onto the bed. Gently asked Sera to lie on her back, used her arm as a base for Sera's head, then Xavier put himself docked to Sera's body, she stretched her other arm to the woman's waist and pulled it back so that Sera's back was firmly attached to her hard chest.

“ Throughout our relationship up to this point, I may have hurt you and done evil to you. I know you hate me, so I won't ask you much. I'm just asking, no matter what happens in the future, never once have you tried to betray me. There is a code of conduct that seals my lust for killing me, which can only escape if my enemy commits an act of treason. The crazy side of me is so savage and cruel when it comes to betrayal, I could lose my control if you betray me. I really don't want to have to kill you with my own two hands.” Xavier held Sera into his arms and held her tightly until Sera's face sank into his chest. “If indeed one of us has to die, then I will die first. Do you understand?”

I love you Serafina Moon. If you betray me, it'll drive me crazy.

Xavier's inner voice suddenly echoed within his head, leaving him stunned by himself, shocked when his soul did not even have the slightest desire to refute the silent declaration of love that only he could hear. God, never imagined someone like him could feel love for someone else.

Since when did that taste grow? Has it been since their eyes first chime when Xavier invited Sera to a job interview? Or since Xavier hugged the drunken woman's body in front of him who previously defied by refusing to wear the dress he bought? Or perhaps since he has enjoyed the fruitful pleasures of soul peace that only the tenderness of the female body can give? Since when did her heart fall in charm? Since when did he love Serafina Moon like a selfless madman?

Love's. Is this what it feels like? Only pain felt, gushed severed chest cavity.

On the other hand, Xavier's question containing the urgent ultimatum made Sera frown. The man was definitely talking about Aaron and warned him. Xavier's threat was so thick with darkness that it made Sera's hair grow.

In the end, there was nothing he could do but nod his head approvingly.

“I understand Xavier.” His whisper was slow, a little unwilling but forced.

Xavier's lips thinned. His sharp ears certainly heard clearly the unconvinced tone within Sera's voice. But for now, the man chose not to argue with her. His lips approached, whispering in Sera's ear and exhaling his hot breath to make Sera's body gasp.

“Good. Hold your words, do not let go,” threatened hoarse resisting the desire that began stirred by the closeness of their bodies.

Xavier lowered his head until his face could be anchored in the grooves between Sera's neck and shoulders, drowning her face there, and then drowning her, inhaling deeply the pleasant sweet fragrance from Sera's body that seemed to be able to reconcile her soul and heal all her wounds. Long time they hugged in silence in positions of mutual docked like that. Sera herself was comfortable with the tight grip of the man's arm that surrounded her and her eyes began to shut, cradled by drowsiness.

“I'm sorry.”

Xavier's voice ruffled as he spoke, leaving Sera, who had been close to closing her eyes, peaceful in a rare embrace she might not get later, so she opened her eyes again in surprise.

He tried to look back, wanting to see Xavier's facial expression, but could not do so. Xavier hugged him tightly behind him, the man's head close to the side of his neck, while his breathing was hot there, sending an unstoppable twinkle all over Sera's skin surface.

“No, don't say anything first, let me talk.” Xavier sighed deeply, deciding to speak before Sera interrupted him. “I'm dying. You must know that,” he said then in a hoarse voice.

Sera's body stiffened. He knew that Xavier was sick. But about dying? How could?

“Ta-but you said, with stem cells from our son's placenta, you can...” Sera's voice was stamped and blocked, mixed with confusion.

“I made you pregnant and wanted a child from you, not for that stem cell. I don't care if I'm going to get that stem cell or not,” Xavier said in a raucous voice. “Forcing you to give birth to my son. It is only the result of my selfishness that does not want to just leave this world and disappear without a trace. Being a kara in this world, makes me seem to float in a world that I do not have, can not stick my roots because I myself do not even have roots to dock. It all made me grow an obsession, wanting to leave behind the roots that grew in this world after my death. I don't want when I die, all the rest of me to be completely wiped out of this world. I want to have the rest of my offspring, the blood-drenched child, the creature that carries my genetics, to move on, making me at least worthy of being remembered. I want my children to remember that I was in this world when I died. That's why I apologize, I implicate you in my obsession, forcing you to conceive the child of the man you hate.”

“Xavier. I-I don't hate you like that..” Sera was about to refute, but she stopped her sentence due to confusion describing her own feelings.

If not hate, then what does Sera feel for Xavier?

As Xavier's arms cuddle on his body weakened, Sera finally managed to turn her body around and face towards the man. Xavier still lowered his head so Sera ventured to use her fingers to touch the man's cheeks, raising Xavier's face to face him. His attention was distracted by Xavier's earlier remark that he was dying, leading him to impulsively speak encouragingly,

“You're not necessarily going to die. You can still use those placental stem cells.”.

“Serafina Moon.” Xavier stopped Sera's sentence with his stern words. Xavier's beautiful eyes looked seriously at his wife, his hands moved to take Sera's hands cupped to her cheeks, then brought her to her lips and kissed her gently.

“Let me think about that. You just have to keep your promise not to betray me and give birth to our children safely. You understand?” tanyanya firmly.

Sera returned Xavier's eyes in confusion but he nodded his head.

“As for giving birth safely. But, but I can promise I will have a good pregnancy and keep my womb healthy.” Sera's voice sounded a little hoarse as she answered Xavier's question.

Xavier reviewed the smile, then unexpectedly, the man lowered his head and kissed Sera's soft lips. It was not the lustful kiss that Xavier had always given her before, but more like an affectionate kiss.

I don't know, Sera herself wasn't sure that a man with a dark soul like Xavier could feel pure affection.

“For a while, I will satisfy myself with your answer. Next, I think we should consult intensively with Nathan and your obstetrician to make sure things go well.”

Sera widened her eyes. “Xavier, about the stem cells of the baby's placenta.…”

“I told you you didn't have to think about it, did you? I'll clean up everything that's my part. You stay to do what you're part of, give birth to the child safely without hurting yourself. Now sleep. I'll sleep a little too. I'm tired.” Xavier drowned Sera back into his chest, hugged her tightly and dispelled all possible debates that would ensue. In the silence of the room, Xavier's breathing sounded orderly as if the man had indeed fallen asleep easily without any vigilance or self-defense.

The man did not lie, it seemed like he was completely exhausted.

Sera's own eyes were still open, staring at the cloth of Xavier's shirt that was close to her. His mind was stifled, making any drowsiness that tried to get close, instantly pushed away without a fight.

The man immediately shifted the conversation about his pain condition and seemed unwilling to discuss it again. Sera was still not satisfied, she still wanted to chase and ask. One thing was certain, his heart ached as Xavier spoke as if he was definitely dead.

Did this man really intend to have a child just to make him a fatherless child? How could Xavier be that selfish? Creating a life just to leave it?

But the anger over the selfishness burning in his chest was instantly flushed out by the anxious thoughts that filled his head.

Xavier said he was dying. Did the man really mean it? Is Xavier's disease so severe that it can no longer be saved?

An unexpected pain instantly crept into Sera's heart, making her have to take a short sigh to ease her pain.

Imagining Xavier no longer exists in this world, not breathing the same air on this earth and not setting the same pace on this planet, makes the empty nuances painfully ravage him, cultivate a deep fear that looms over his soul.

Sera doesn't want Xavier dead. That's for sure.

Their relationship begins with grudges, trauma and a terrible threat at first. But it was undeniable that Xavier was the only man who had ever been so close and so intimate with him. It was as if, the man subconsciously placed himself in Sera's heart and made Sera get used to her presence.

Is it because of that, Sera is now so afraid of losing Xavier? Did Xavier unknowingly have more meaning in Sera's heart? Has Sera been unwittingly in love with Xavier?

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The hello.

The author thanks for the likes of each part, comments, favorites, five-star rate and also VOTE RANKING given by the reader so that the author novel always goes to the rank.

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