The Essence Of The Darkness
EOTL Eps 107: Forgiveness
EOTL ( Essence Of The Light) - EOTD Season 2 - The Story of Xavier and Sera
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Sera was stunned mute after hearing what Xavier said.
Even when the man then let go of their embrace, then sat cross-legged on the bed with his body bent in frustration and used both hands to cover his face, Sera's mouth was locked, as if, can't say a word.
Sera slowly got up from her lying position and followed her sitting on the bed. Her bulging stomach made it difficult for her to move, but she finally managed to do so.
Sera's eyes were fixed on the figure of Xavier who was still cross-legged with a bent body and covered his face with both hands as if handing the punishment he would bear to Sera's hands, and Sera's heart immediately hurt as if slashed and torn by an invisible knife because of it.
Of all he could imagine as he confirmed Xavier regarding the truth about his father, the last thing he could imagine was that it all ended with Xavier seemingly filled with regret and begging him for mercy.
The man looked so pathetic, wracked by a strong guilt that must have felt burdensome and stifling. Sera knew exactly how it felt because she herself had been wracked with the same guilt when she felt she had failed to save her father. Sera understood that the pain was so painful that it was almost unbearable.
Is that how Xavier feels now? The same pain he felt?
All this time, the man managed to cover it well behind a face full of smiles and without its burden, so Sera did not even notice it.
All this time, he had thought that Xavier's heart was too dark to feel regret. But it turns out he was wrong. Xavier's heart is not that strong. The atrocities Xavier displayed were probably just camouflage and escapism to protect himself from getting hurt. Behind it all, Xavier's soul turned out to be as fragile as a little boy in this world and only expected love in his life, but never got it.
Staring at that tired-looking and fragile Xavier, Sera could feel nothing but pity enslaving in her soul. There was no more hate, no more vengeance, there was only the desire to eliminate the torment that weighed on Xavier.
The man should never have to be guilty again. The man should have been released, because Sera knew for sure, that ever since she realized her love for Xavier, she had already forgiven the man.
His love for Xavier has made him destroy all grudges. His love for Xavier had made him forgive the man unconditionally.
Perhaps Xavier's sin in the past was severe, the vile decision that Xavier had made in the past had indeed plunged him and his family into ruin.
But, shouldn't that mistake be inflicted on Xavier's back? All these terrible destinies were intertwined with tangles because of the other dirty hands that intervened.
If indeed Xavier's hands were stained with sin and blood, so were the hands of others involved in the Anastasia death incident that led to the Dawn Family's failed revenge plan.
Xavier may be guilty because he chose the dark path by destroying Anastasia's life in order to separate her from Akram. Despite that, Sera could understand the strong reason that made Xavier do it. For Xavier, Anastasia's act of conceiving another boy but scheming to hold Akram responsible, was the worst act of treason to be punished.
Xavier had paid Sera's father to kidnap and torture Anastasia to scare her away from leaving Akram. However, it was clear Xavier had never ordered them to go that far by torturing and raping Anastasia. It was the act of cheese that ultimately drove the woman to suicide and created a back-to-back tragedy that befell everyone involved.
The perpetrator of torture that got out of control and brutal rape was the son of Sera's father who at that time was darkened by the influence of alcohol consumption. The father, who failed to control his men, was forced to bear their mistakes by living life in prison. The perpetrators of the rape and torture have also taken their sins, they are also imprisoned, getting punished for their crimes, just like Sera's father.
Xavier is guilty of having been the cause of it all, the actions he took made Sera a victim of Roman Dawn's revenge plan that wanted to use her as a pawn to defeat Xavier.
Xavier was indeed related to all the misfortunes in his life. However, it wasn't Xavier who beat his father in prison to a coma, it wasn't Xavier who beat Sera with a whip as a revenge and created a rinse on his back that couldn't be lost. It was not Xavier who locked him away for days without food and drink until he almost died of hunger and thirst. It wasn't Xavier who gave his father cancer.
All of that, despite the pain to be accepted, is a fateful suratan in Sera's life that she must live. Sera has sincerely accepted everything with a chest.
Why did this man apologize? Why would Xavier put everything on his shoulders and choose to endure all things alone?
“Xavier.”
Sera called out slowly and her feeble voice was enough to make her husband drown himself in the midst of a pit of regret, instantly snapping as if surprised. Slowly Xavier released both of his hands covering his face and his eyes returned Sera's eyes.
Sera did not take her eyes off, she stared at her husband's pale face, sadness immediately hit her back when she saw how pale Xavier's face was adorned with faint dark circles under her eyes.
The man seemed to be suffering and in pain.
Was the burden of guilt always borne by Xavier all this time? Xavier's body was physically ill, and this man instead added a psychically painful burden to his soul.
Such great love for Xavier and the realization that her husband had been hiding the burden of guilt and suffering all by himself, made Sera's heart ache.
Sera loves her husband, she loves Xavier. But why does Xavier seem to not want to share the burden he bears? Why would Xavier want to endure everything by himself?
Sera's eyes glazed over as she reached out her hand to touch her husband's cheek and once again made Xavier flinch as the man seemed to have no idea Sera would do that to him.
“Xavier. Please, let go.” Sera could not help but grieve in her chest, she whispered slowly in a raucous voice, tears pouring down from her eyes, wetting her cheeks.
Xavier's face paled when he heard Sera's words, his chest as if it had been hit by a devastating force, leaving him feeling suffocated.
Let go? Is this the end of his plea of mercy to Sera? Did Sera ask him to let her go? Let go of his growing love for the woman in front of him?
Sera's lips formed a thin smile as she understood the terrified expression reflected on Xavier's face. He knew that he shouldn't laugh at Xavier who was misunderstanding his unfinished words. His own face was as silly as Xavier's current face, he smiled, but he also cried sobbing with tears flooding his face.
Sera held a strong sob that made her breath feel tight. He moved his body closer to Xavier, then knelt in front of the man to make his position higher than Xavier who was cross-legged. Sera's hand touched Xavier's cheeks and turned the man's face in a gentle gesture.
He stared at Xavier's eyes as if he was holding back pain and kept horrified at the ultimatum that would be thrown by Sera next.
This man was afraid that Sera told him to leave and cut off all relations between them. All of that fear was clearly reflected on Xavier's face as his entire fake mask came off and the man did not pretend to cover up his feelings anymore in front of Sera.
That realization made Sera's heart warm. He wanted to quickly get rid of all the fear in Xavier's heart, which was why he lowered his head, brought his lips closer to Xavier's forehead and kissed the man's forehead.
That attitude made Xavier stunned. His eyes widened, looking at Sera with a clueless look. But the man just silently waited, not daring to ask for fear of provoking a farewell sentence that might be thrown from Sera's lips immediately.
“Let go of all your guilt, Xaver.” Sera said, giving a complete sentence to Xavier. “Because of me, have forgiven you for everything.” Sera's voice sank, broke by a great so that she could no longer speak.
Meanwhile, Xavier was flabbergasted when his ears and brain were finally able to synergize so well that he could fully digest the sentence spoken by Sera. His eyes stared at Sera in disbelief.
Encouraged by the instantly overflowing pounding on his chest, Xavier's hand then pulled Sera's body and carried the woman's body into his cradle.
When Xavier spoke later, Sera saw that the man's lips were trembling.
“Sera...” Xavier spoke in a hushed voice, as if at a loss for words. His hand that rubbed Sera's hair was trembling as he held the upheaval in his soul with all his might.
The man gulped, took a deep breath to calm himself down, then looked at his wife as if he were bobbing in uncertainty. “Do... do you forgive me? Have you really forgiven me?”
Xavier asked again in uncertainty. This time his face was aligned with Sera and his eyes were staring with full supplication to be immediately given certainty.
“Yes. I forgive you Xavier. I forgave you. I forgive you..”.
“Are you sure? You forgive me? I even have..” Xavier's voice was stuck in his throat as if he had lost the courage to describe all his past crimes before his wife.
Sera's heart was touched by the taste of haru. His hands trembled as he lifted him up to touch the man's cheek.
“I forgive you, Xavier. Even before you apologized to me tonight, I forgave you.”
Sera could not continue her sentence because she felt her hands wet. Her eyes were glued when she saw the tears flowing from her husband's eyes.
Xavier's crying. Her husband shed tears.
“Xavier..
Sera's voice that was about to comfort her husband was suddenly forced to disappear when Xavier's mouth instantly fused with his. The man devoured his lips full of incredible emotions that flooded from his heart. The two of them vaporized each other, completed all the turbulent feelings within the chest, and released all the stifling burdens.
The kiss lasted so long, and was full of tears. Their wet faces combined, creating a salty kiss by the overflow of pain mixed with a sense of relief that was shed. And just as it was supposed to happen, the kiss did relieve their hearts.
When Xavier finally removed his lips from Sera's lips, their position had already changed completely. The man sat with his back resting on the head of the bed, his hands propping up both sides of Sera's body to hold her back from falling on him. Meanwhile, Sera was on top of the man, sitting half-kneeling on his lap with both knees resting on the left and right sides of Xavier's pelvis.
Xavier's breath was puffed up by the overflowing kiss he spilled on his wife, and the same thing happened to Sera. Both of their eyes were equally wet, and as they stared at each other, Sera could not help but laugh and cry at the same time.
Xavier did the same, the man smiled with eyes still wet. Then his hand moved to pull Sera's hand and kiss the inside of her palm, implanting her warm lips that had kissed Sera's lips, on the softness of the surface of the skin there.
In his life filled with blood abominations, what Xavier felt was a real burning desire for revenge. Those who betray will get their reward, those who cannot live up to their standards will die horribly in their hands, they will never have mercy, he never once hesitated when spilling the blood of those he felt deserved to die.
But now, all that means nothing anymore. The pain in his soul, his trauma, the pain that ripped his heart apart, even with the seething pent-up anger and created an abomination that pushed him continuously to wet his hands with spilled blood, none of that is anymore. All of it is gone, completely destroyed.
Sera has healed him. The woman has restored it.
Xavier's feelings were inflated by the overflowing love so intensely towards Sera, that she could not help her mouth to make a confession.
“I love you, Serafina Moon.”
The statement of love just rolled out of Xavier's mouth, sounding so clearly breaking the silence that was only filled by the roar of their breaths both of them were earthy.
Sera's eyes widened and this time changed her mouth that opened in a flabbergasted manner, filled with real shock when she heard the statement of love that slid unhesitatingly from her husband's lips.
Unfortunately, Xavier did not see that precious expression. He was too cowardly that was why Xavier chose to close his eyes. The man was afraid to see the look of disgust and disgust that might appear from Sera's face, he was not strong at seeing the rejection that might be immediately emanated from the woman's expression.
Even so, Xavier had no regrets at all for having spoken his confession with all his heart.
He knows that this is the right time to get everything done. These were the moments of forgiveness, and Sera, with her great soul, had kindly given the atonement to her.
But Xavier still wants more. When he had obtained forgiveness, his greedy soul did not feel enough to get there.
Not only does he want to be forgiven, he doesn't just want to be forgiven. He wants to be loved. Xavier wants Sera to return his love. He wanted the woman to open her heart to him and let him enter and colonize there until Sera could not be separated from him again.
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