I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Season 3: Episode 28

The suspicious eyes of Harry's brother and the hateful gaze of Luke's brother terrified me to stay in the room, the guilt-filled feeling that enveloped me grew bigger as I remembered all of our moments. They wished so much to me to be able to give happiness to their friend Jester, but all I did was to inflict a huge deep wound on his heart.

Selena and I walked towards one of the sofas facing them, ready or not for me this is no longer inevitable. Even if I could avoid it, I would have resolved to face all the obstacles to fulfill my last dream. One of them, of course, is against them, brother Luke and brother Harry... I'm ready for all possibilities.

"Tell me, we'll try to listen to him and we hope you're honest this time" Harry said as Selena and I sat on the couch right in front of him.

I took a deep breath - in and then exhaled slowly, I tried to find a gap from my lies that I would tell them so that the truth about my health condition could not be known to them. Harry's calmness worries me a little, I know he's a very meticulous person and it's not easy to be lied to and obviously different from Luke's. No need to explain I guess why he's different:)

"Well, I'll tell you why I turned it down, why I disappeared after, why I came back and last about what I wanted from my presence" I said, preparing to tell my lies... Any more...

"First... You know how much I love her, right?" much

"Here you go, it's just bullshit" Luke replied sounding a little angry, I smiled at him.

"No, that's not bullshit. That's really how I feel" I said

"Stop lying!! What are you doing." Luke said, I cut him off.

"There's a wise sentence saying 'If you can't make your loved one happy, let him go... Let him seek his happiness and do not you restrain him with you', have you ever read it or perhaps heard it?" I said, my words at the time made them quiet.

"I can't give him happiness because of me.." For a moment I hung up my sentence, I re-arranged my breath for a moment because somehow I arrived - suddenly wanted to cry at that moment.

"I'll go somewhere far away and won't be able to come back" I said, continuing the words I had hung

"That excuse doesn't make sense, you're dating a rich kid in this country. Which countries can't Jester visit?" ask Harry

"That's the problem.I was too young back then until I couldn't think that far, that was my biggest mistake when I was young." I answered regretfully, we went back to silence and at that time I felt that my lies had affected them.

"Both... I decided to go from this town to the most remote village to avoid the possibility of Jester's brother looking for me, I locked myself up and kept hiding for him... Can find his happiness." I said breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?" ask Luke's brother

"I'm sure Brother Jester is trying to keep looking for me... I wouldn't be able to see him suffer because of me, by going away from him at least I would just be haunted by my guilt for him and not look him in the eye" I replied

"He was looking for you everywhere, you can never imagine how bad Jester was at that time" Luke said

"I'm sorry for that... I let you down" I said guiltily, almost at the same time as Luke's brother and Harry sighed.

"Why are you back here?" asked Harry, I fell silent for a moment after hearing Harry's question.

In my heart I also asked him the same question, "Why did I suddenly decide to choose this path? Why do I want to be with Brother Jester before I die?" the question came to my mind until it made me daydream, this daydream came to a halt as the light clap of Selena's hand on my shoulder resuscitated me. I turned to look at her who looked so worried about me, I don't know what was in Selena's mind at the time.

I looked back at Luke's brother and Harry's brother who were still silent waiting for my answer, from the second look I believed that they were still very suspicious of me. Maybe whatever I'm going to tell them right now, it'll all be for nothing. But considering that they were my last obstacle to fulfilling all my last dreams, I had to try my hardest to convince them even though I arrived - haunted by doubts.

"You think we'll believe your answer?" limpal Brother Luke with a high tone of speech

As I suspected, any lying answer would not be able to make them feel satisfied. Maybe they were fooled by my story but not by the reason why I went back to my brother Jester's life after all this time I disappeared from him, I was cornered by Harry's question which I had actually asked myself the same question a long time ago. "Why new now? Why don't I just keep disappearing from him? Why do I have to go back to scavenging my dreams that I have buried for so long? why?" I couldn't answer it until...

"I think whatever happens, Luna just wants to finish her relationship with Jester's sister. No need to find out the reason why he came back after so long, in fact Luna never bothers Naomi and Jester. What more do you want from Luna?" selena said break my daydream

At that moment I realized the reason why I did this in my last seconds, as well as Justin's question that he had asked when we met on campus. He asked 'Why did you choose this path in my last seconds?' and at that time I only answered with the answer 'I don't want to answer it' but the truth is... I don't know what to answer from that question.

But Selena's words made me realize, no matter what my reasons were because I just wanted to be by her side until the end of my life. I've made up my mind before if I just wanted to finish everything with Brother Jester until there would be no more regret between me and him. I just want to accompany him as much as I can without thinking about who will be his choice at the end of my story, I will leave that choice to Brother Jester.

"But.." Harry said, I cut him off.

"When I try to do something in my life, I always think how about not going as expected. I thought too much about it because I didn't want to fail, regret it, or whatever it was and those thoughts always popped into my head" I chimed in for a moment and then I sighed.

"... I hate myself... Like that" I said, continuing the sentence I had previously hung, then I smiled at Harry and Luke's brother.

"I don't want to be who I used to be anymore, I don't want to hesitate anymore, I don't want to think too much about what, who, where, how, and when... I just want to live what I want so that there are no more regrets in my life" I said, at that time I saw the eyes of Luke and Harry changed on me.

"I'm sorry I let you guys down, I'm sorry I hurt your best friend, I'm sorry I made unnecessary messes in your life and I'm sorry... I'm the one who made you suffer, I don't want it to happen again and allow me to do whatever I want in the future with Jester and Naomi" I said.

"Heah... I can't judge what's right and wrong if you say it like that" Luke said

"Honestly I don't imagine our meeting will end like this, I think we'll reply to each other emotionally" Harry said

"me too... Thinking like that." muttered Selena, but the mutter seemed to be heard by Luke's brother and Harry's brother who made the two arrive - suddenly provoked emotions.

"I still can't accept you separating Jester from Naomi with Camilla's help!!" both of them said the same thing

The two then attacked each other with words, words, although I do not understand what happened between the three of them but by saying the word to separate Jester's sister with Naomi done by Selena with the help of Camilla makes me a little understand why Luke and brother Harry was angry at Selena. But they should know, Selena did it because I asked for it and tied it up with a promise between me and Selena.

I laughed at Selena, Luke's sister and Harry were arguing over Selena's mistake, because my laughter also eventually the three of them fell silent and simultaneously looked at me with astonished faces.

"What are you laughing at?!" at once Luke's sister Harry and Selena said

"Sorrys... I just didn't think you guys were this familiar" I replied

"We were fighting, where did you say we were familiar?!" back they simultaneously said it, I only responded to them with a finger gesture that showed if they were compact saying something together - the same.

They were busy arguing, but I only responded with a laugh. Until a while we finally decided to forget all the past and look forward to our relationship, although the threat from Luke's brother and Harry's brother still have to accept. They don't want me and Selena to separate Jester from Naomi, I firmly said that it was not my goal and I promised them that I would focus on my last dream and hope that they would be part of it.

Everything went well even though lie after lie I had neatly arranged, but... I don't know when this will happen, I hope everything will go according to my plan.