I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Episode 52

"Just say whatever you think, I'll consider it well" I said again continuing my previous words, but Alvin was still silent even though I had forced him to speak.

For a moment we were the same - just as silent as the room felt so quiet, just the sound of the ticking of the clock, the AC wind, and the sound of the traffic a little - a little buzzing in my ears. Maybe the silence lasted almost five minutes, until finally Alvin was heard sighing.

"How does that feel?" alvin asked, I scrunched my forehead and looked at Alvin intently.

"Whatchu mean? you intentionally silenced me from earlier?" I asked in a slightly angry tone to him, Alvin's eyes turned to the sky - the sky room as if he was thinking about something.

"I deliberately so that you can understand what loneliness means even if it is only an instant, losing love because of self-defeat is the same as plunging into the bottom of the abyss called loneliness. Do you feel capable of overcoming that?" ask Alvin

"I don't need your talk!! I understand better what I am choosing as my life goal than you!! if you want to help, just help without lecturing me!!" I snapped at him, then he looked at me sharply. Now that his face had an unusual expression, I knew that he was angry...

"What do you want?" firmly Alvin asked like that, I was getting more emotion made.

"You think by asking me what I want will help me?!! Life is not just a musical series where you sing a song and dreams come true miraculously!! Forget what I want!! just tell me what I can do!!" I snapped at her so emotionally, it wasn't long before Selena opened my room door with a worried face.

Me and Alvin were silent for a moment, slowly I threw away my face to rearrange my heart. I heard Selena's footsteps approaching, and I immediately looked at Selena with my smile as if I wanted her to know I was okay.

"Lu.. The luna? you guys all right? did he make you angry?" selena asked me in a voice that felt like if she was worried about me, I laughed and sighed.

"Everything's fine, Selena. Let me talk to him, we haven't finished discussing what we need to discuss" I replied to him

"But.." Selena said, I cut him off.

"I beg~" my timpal

From the look on her face I felt Selena was very heavy-hearted to fulfill my request, but in the end she complied with my request. Slowly I saw him step back towards the exit, me and Alvin kept silent until the sound of my door closing tightly.

"Better I'm gone right now, I've been thinking that way too often every time I have to go back and come back to this hospital...I kept thinking about why I should live if in the end it would only be someone with this disease." I murmured and I was now unable to hold back my tears anymore, the tears flowed down and fell down my cheeks until they kept dripping down my blanket.

"What...what can one expect from a paralyzed girl like me? there will be no. There is only I will burden many with my condition.." I muttered again, my cry became more - so that Alvin's hand felt touched my hand and grasped it tightly.

"Life is a series of events, you will never know what, why, when, and how this life will go. All you need to do is take advantage of the opportunity and get lucky, he said, then enjoy the life you've been fighting for" said Alvin and his words stunned me

"I asked about what you wanted because I just wanted to make sure that what I was thinking wasn't wrong" she said, I paused for a moment and slowly I lowered my head staring at those two clenched hands.

"I want Jester to be happy even without me, he has to get used to it without me because maybe yesterday was the last day I could move. At this time I am no longer able to feel my legs.All my dreams are over now, now there is only me and reality.." I murmured.

"Selena is the right person to replace you" Alvin chirped suddenly, I gasped when I heard what Alvin just said.

"What?! why?!?" I asked while looking at him sharply.

"One afternoon when you didn't go to school, I came home late because I was bullied by my upperclassman. I was about to go back to my class to get my bag, but when it was in class I saw Jester and Selena put some balloons and other decorations to welcome you to the school" Alvin replied, I paused for a moment trying to digest what Alvin really wanted to say.

"It was exactly one day when all of our friends heard that if you were chosen to be the lead singer of the school, Jester wanted to give our class a little surprise by himself. I didn't know what Selena was doing until she, who had originally gone home, had to return to class. There I heard if Selena said..." Alvin hung up his sentence for a moment, I knew what he was doing. He waited for my response to hear the story.

"What did Selena say?" askau flat

"It seems fine if I say this honestly, fine. Selena said she wanted to get one guy like Jester to be her partner" Alvin replied

To be honest I was surprised by what I just heard from Alvin, "Selena is hoping to get a man like my prince? don't you hate men, Selena? are you really starting to like men like my prince?" ask in my heart

"Well.. I understand, it can make my consideration.." I murmured.

"The way that Jester left you is easy enough, you just have to make him hate me" Alvin said

"Hate me? but... I don't want him to hate me.." timpal me, then somehow the sound of Alvin's breath makes me shocked and frightens me.

"There's no way Jester will leave you if he doesn't hate you, if you want to leave him then it's certain that you will be hated even if that's not what you want" replied Alvin, I fell silent and lamented my stupidity.

"Are you sure you're gonna leave him?" alvin asked if I was still on my whim, I just stayed silent for a moment until the sound of the door opened.

As my head stared at who opened the door, I saw Brother Jester and Selena at the door and Brother Jester looking at me with a confused look. Maybe because she saw me alone in the room with a man, or maybe because she saw my face tear up.

"He's coming, maybe we finish this conversation up here first" Alvin whispered to me

Then Alvin stood up, turned around, and walked over to Jester's brother. He greeted her by bowing his body for a moment without a word, then he walked out past Brother Jester. Feeling the awkward atmosphere so felt, Selena suddenly said that she would take Alvin to go home. So that I and Jester's brother remained in my room, Jester's footsteps approached me directly proportional to my head that was getting lowered back to look at my two clenched hands.

"Luna... Who was that? did she make you... cry?" asked Brother Jester to me when he was right next to me, I shook my head in response to his question.

"He's your junior brother and my classmate, I'm not crying because of him. But this is because of my own thinking, he just came here to listen to my every curses" I replied.

"You know, you know, but. I can be your listener, I know it's boring to be in your room. So you can call me to be with you here..." said Brother Jester, I then laughed a little at his words.

"Why are you laughing? did I... say something funny?" asked Brother Jester to me, I sighed and looked up at the sky - the sky of my room.

"No... I laugh because.. I feel the fire of your jealousy, are you jealous of him brother?" ask him

"Ti...no!! I'm not jealous of him!! it's just that I don't like you relying on other men." replied Brother Jester.

My jealous prince was funny, his face suddenly reddened as I looked into his eyes with my smile. He then turned around and avoided looking me in the eye, after which we chatted full of laughter. Until late in the night, Brother Jester got a call from Mr. William.

After that he went home and left me alone, but my solitude did not last long because Justin's father, mother and brother came to see me. The typical smile of Brother Justin was seen when he just entered the room, but like brother Justin in general.

"You okay?" I asked him, I shook my head a few times.

Not long after a nurse came to my room and called my father and mother, feeling that I had the opportunity to talk to Justin's sister at that time I immediately gave her a sign that she was not going anywhere. Brother Justin nodded and remained next to me until father and mother came out of my room, immediately Brother Justin sat near me and looked at me still with his smile.

"What's wrong?" ask Justin to me

"I want to leave Brother Jester, I want to ask for your help so that my plan goes smoothly" I replied with confidence and the words made the expression on the face of Brother Justin turned to shock.

"Luna, what did you just say?! you realize what just happened." Justin said, I cut him off.

"I'm determined for that!!" I snapped at him, Brother Justin sighed.

"OK, why?" justin asked as if not affected by my emotions

"I will be paralyzed, brother." I answered and my tears broke again...