I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Season 4: Episode 10

Mr. Lincoln and I raised our heads and simultaneously wiped away the tears still left on our faces, then with a gesture of Mr. Lincoln's hand invited me to enter the room where Luna's body was temporarily stored. In the room there was a raised floor to lay the coffin, slowly I walked up to the coffin right behind Mr. Lincoln. My body again felt shaky and also felt so cold on the soles of my feet and also my palms, "Am I still not ready to see you?" ask me to myself.

I kept forcing this body to walk closer to the coffin, but it really didn't move this leg any closer. At the same time I saw Mr. Lincoln was very close to the chest, his hand slowly put the picture frame of Luna on a stand located above the chest. "I can't keep falling in this sadness, come on my body. Don't be a loser" that's how I'm going to give my heart and my legs the urge to move back, slowly I was finally able to walk closer to the coffin.

My eyes were fixed on the picture frame Mr. Lincoln had just placed on top of the coffin and I slowly ventured to see the contents of the coffin, Well... I found the pale face of Luna who was still smiling.His body was lying in the chest and was already wearing clothes that were so good and suitable for her, it didn't feel like these tears were flowing back for a moment after I looked at her face.

"She's been suffering from this disease since Elementary School.at that time she never knew what happened to her when she often fell unconscious and also often in and out of the hospital, she still looks so cheerful playing like any other child, but all that changes as she grows up, Luna realizes about her health condition..." chirps Luna's father in the middle of the silence of the room, for a moment Luna's father sighed

"When Junior High I never saw his smile again, he always looked moody. He always sat there. folded his legs and he hugged the legs tightly until they stuck to his chest, his head he put on the two legs that he bent.... such is the daily life of Luna since she set foot in Junior High" said Luna's father again

"I... also heard the same thing from Mrs Lincoln, but why... she doesn't want to be honest with me? do I... not deserve to be told about his circumstances? why is he avoiding me? if only.." I'm not done yet saying, Mr. Lincoln patted me on the shoulder and I turned to look him in the eye.

"Young Mr. Gates, Luna didn't mean it the way you think. I also don't know what Luna wanted back then, all I know was that she always thought about your happiness, which is what I hear from Justin every time Luna confides with her" timpal, Mr. Lincoln, I'm pensive for a moment...

"Sir Lincoln, you accompanied Luna in her moment of joy and sorrow.. Please tell me, is it as beautiful as it sounds?" I asked, at once Mr. Lincoln was surprised by my question to the point of making him speechless.

"All I want is a chance for one of those moments." With a sigh I said that when Mr. Lincoln didn't answer my question, I looked back at Luna's face and we fell silent again.

"At the end of the day all we have to take from life is how to accept a situation without blaming reality." chirped Mr. Lincoln, a sentence that jolted me until I looked back at him.

"Young Mr. Gates, I hope you don't always blame yourself for what happened... Luna must be unhappy with the current condition of the young master, all she wants is your happiness... Luna does not care who you will be with in the end, but Luna has tried hard to accompany you to this point." said Mr. Lincoln.

"You are right. I will try even harder to accept this fact.." I chimed in while wiping my tears, slowly Lincoln's hand again took a picture of Luna and gave it to me.

"I don't know what you want to do with this photo, but if it helps you forgive Luna, I'll support you as her father" Lincoln said, I took the picture frame and grabbed it.

"You're wrong, Mr. Lincoln, it's not that I can forgive him but that I hope Luna forgives me." I said.

I sighed and bowed to Mr. Lincoln to greet him, after which I walked out to begin my journey to meet Luna's checklist. The picture frame of Luna at that time seemed to be the reason I did this strange tour, all I did for her even though I looked like a fool who would travel around France carrying a picture frame.

Outside the room I saw Naomi who was hugging Selena, she seemed to want to calm Selena even though she herself was crying sobbing at that time. Our eyes met and somehow my emotional turmoil suddenly increased, the incident between Naomi, Daniel and the Gates hotel when it seemed to be back in my brain and guilt haunted me. I don't want to fight with her now, I decided to ignore her and immediately walked out of this hospital.

Maybe Naomi realized my anger, even though I didn't show her that anger. I was annoyed at myself and also at the stupidity that seemed to be attached to me, I was so upset with myself. At that time Naomi followed me out of the hospital, many times I heard her calling my name to ask me to stop walking. But I ignored him, right now I don't want to argue with him because I know there will only be hurtful words when I talk to him.

"Stop, Jester!!" naomi yelled as she pulled my arm, and then she immediately ran around me for us to face each other.

"Are you angry with me?!" naomi asked a little snapping, I threw my face away to avoid looking at her.

"I was wrong what?! why are you angry with me?!" asked Naomi again with her tone rising

"Why don't you guys just tell me about what's going on behind my back." I replied, at that time I wasn't sure Naomi heard it because I muttered as I said it.

"Huh?! whatchu mean? I also didn't know that Luna.." I didn't finish Naomi said, I cut her.

"Why not just tell me honestly what you're dealing with to let me know!! why do you always think there is no need to tell me about the problems you are facing?!!" I snapped at her, I saw Naomi flinched as I said it.

"Your incident with Daniel.I almost lost you.If Luna and Selena did not immediately realize what was happening to you, I might have lost you by now." I said, Naomi was stunned to look at my face.

"Jess.. I.." He wasn't done yet he said, I cut him back.

"He!! Luna did the same!! he never said he was fighting against his illness!! Why?!! why don't you just say it?!!!" snatch me again

"Just just say it... just talk....what's hard for you guys, huh?!!" I asked so disappointed in everything that happened, even though I said I would try hard to accept the reality but it was all so difficult.

I still don't understand why women who are with me do the same, they endanger themselves just for my happiness or just because they love me. It does not make sense..when it is natural to accompany each other both joy and sorrow, is not that supposed to be the meaning of the word love?

Naomi was just staring in front of me, either she was still surprised or because she couldn't answer my question. I didn't want to think about it then, I had to focus on my goal now. Finishing Luna's checklist and going home soon to bury Luna as quickly as possible, that's all I'm aiming for right now. I stepped back past her, but Naomi didn't let me go.

"Jess!! i'm coming!!" naomi shouted as she ran back blocking my steps

"Moreover Lah!!!" I snapped right in front of her face, Naomi was jerked and so surprised to look at me.

Naomi's tears were flowing but she kept looking at me so sharply, maybe this was the first time for me to let Naomi cry right in front of me. Moreover, this was the first time I was because Naomi was crying, unlike before I was always a sedative for me. I threw my face away at that moment to avoid looking into Naomi's eyes, to be honest it hurts to see her crying like that until this hand squeezes the frame of Luna's photo so strongly.

"You promised to keep my smile!! have you forgotten your promise?!" naomi asked with a snap, I flinch and continued to avoid looking at her.

"Jester!! answer me!!" naomi snapped again pressing me

"I will not forget my promise ever uttered, I will with all my might to fulfill those promises" I said in a flat tone

"You made me sad today!! you jerked me!! you were mad at me and left me like this, you were never like this to me!!!" naomi snapped again so emotionally, I just quietly accepted all her anger because I felt I deserved it.

"I.. this time.I'm jealous of her. You changed me. I don't know what's wrong with me until you changed me.... back Jess..." as soon as Naomi's voice sounded heartbreaking, maybe I had gone too far with her...

Slowly I put my right hand on Naomi's head and held her, I gently kissed Naomi's head several times to calm her down. Then I sighed, I tried to calm myself down before saying...

"Naomi.. I haven't changed and I'm not going anywhere, I'm still here for you but, there were things I had to finish so that my regrets would not be dissolved" in a voice that tried as gently as I could say them, but Naomi's cry was still so heartbreaking in my ears.

"I'm sorry I made you jealous.I'm sorry I jerked you. This is why I don't want you to catch up with me here, my heart is in turmoil, my brain can't think clearly, I was so angry at this stupid myself" I said, continuing my earlier sentence, at which point Naomi shook her head in my arms several times.

"It is not true.this incident is not your fault, both I and Luna.we are equally selfish, Luna once said she wanted to accompany you if you have a problem and so do I. We all promised you that whatever happens we will face together. But.. We instead tried to solve our own problems without involving you. This is not your fault, so stop blaming yourself.I'm sorry, Jess!!" with a sobbing - isak Naomi said it

"Thank you for saying it, but I still can't accept that Naomi. My sensitivity to your condition is very bad, when I say I love you but twice I can't feel that something has happened to you... what kind of love is that? this time, let me make up for my stupidity alone, then.." I hung up my sentence for a moment as I let go of my embrace from Naomi's head, I backed off a little so that Naomi could look me in the face. With tears in her eyes Naomi looked at my smiling face at her, then I said...

"...This is the last time I am insensitive and stupid in front of you, in the future you give me a thousand codes even though I will try to break them as best I can" I continued the previous sentence, Naomi was stunned to look at me.

"I'm leaving first. There's a lot I have to do" I said gently, my hand stroking Naomi's hair gently to soothe her jealousy. I went through it and he finally let me go, Luna's checklist should I finish as soon as possible.