I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Season 4: Episode 12

"Why...? why are you looking at me like that?!" I snapped at him, but he shook his head and just kept looking at me like that

I tried to approach him but however I walked and ran, our distance did not change even though this dark room did not look spacious. My breath was cut off - breaking up from feeling tired while trying to get close to him, I finally stopped running and looked back at him sharply.

"What do you want?! I've done everything you wanted!! Stop haunting me like this!!" I snatched at him

I saw him smiling and saying...

"Losers..."

"You don't deserve me..."

"Where might I want to be your girlfriend..."

"Definitely a loser, I don't want to date someone like you..."

The voices echoed in the dark room, I remembered when I shot Luna on stage and that was when the laughter of my schoolmates was heard. I turned my head and the dark room turned into a school auditorium at my High School, everything looks the same and nothing has changed even I saw Luna who used her hospital gown now she is wearing our school uniform. Still with the same position as that time, I was humiliated in front of my school friends.

"Jess!! Your body temperature is high!!" said Naomi who was out of nowhere she said it...

As soon as I woke up from my sleep, I opened my eyes and saw Naomi kneeling close to me who was still sleeping on the sofa. I looked at Naomi's face that seemed so worried about me, "Dream...?" my question is in my heart. Naomi touched my forehead repeatedly to check my body temperature, well, at that time I did feel cheerful and this body also felt hot. I was sick at an important time like this, when I saw Naomi was ready to come to Luna's funeral.

"Naomi, are you ready? let's leave immediately" with a breath of gasps I said, I immediately got off the sofa but Naomi's hand held my body so that I continued to lay down this body.

"Jess! rest first, your body temperature is very high! I'll get you some medicine!" panicked Naomi said as she stood up, while holding Naomi's arm to keep her from leaving.

"Naomi.." I muttered, somehow my breathing became more and more congested at that moment.

"Yes Jess... Do you need anything?" he asked as he knelt down next to me, I closed my eyes again and said..

"I feel a little tired..I want to sleep a little while longer, will you hold my hand? I'll wake up soon, until then, will you be by my side like this?" my door to him

At that time I felt very ashamed.My bad memories when shooting a woman on stage with many eyes looked and ended with a rejection back twisted, twisted, the sounds of their laughter were also getting louder in my brain. I was so embarrassed and didn't want to meet anyone, the feeling that I had forgotten again gnawed my mind. To me at that time, only Naomi was never seen laughing at me because she was not there...

Not long after I felt Naomi's hand clutching my hand so tightly, when I opened my eyes I saw Naomi's worried face sitting next to the sofa where I was laying down this hot body.

"I'll be here. You sleep." replied Naomi, I smiled at her and slowly closed my eyes.

"Thank you.." I chimped and then I went back to sleep.

The same dream came back, I went back to the school auditorium with Luna and my old High School friends. The sound of their laughter also returned, as well as Luna's evil words to me. I covered my ears but all for free, the sound felt through both my hands that were trying to close their ears. I closed my eyes and the more I got into that darkness, the more I was swept away in my old feelings...

"Sister!!"

"Shut up!!"

"Sister Jester!!"

"Shut up!! shut up!!! Quiet!!!!"

"Sister Jester!!" the voice I was so familiar with called out to me, along with that a hand felt patting my shoulder so hard from behind.

I turned to look at him and I saw Luna there. Her face looked so sad, her eyes were glassy, and look pity on me, who was smiling looked at me.

"That's not me!!" snapped at Luna who was behind me, I looked up at her and she slapped me quite hard.

"Conscious!! that's not me!! it's just your bad shadow!!" again, my tears flowed at that moment...

"No. it's not a shadow. That's what I went through and it's real. you hate me.." I muttered.

"Sister Jester!!! i love you!! I'm sorry I gave you bad memories!!!" he shouted, slowly the gaze of my eyes returned to look at Luna's face.

Her tears seemed to flow, the look on her face, I had never seen her cry until like that, slowly touching my cheek and feeling so warm.

"Wake up. I beg you, you know I am not like the one in your shadow.I'm sorry I reneged on our promise, but there is one promise I keep... I've fulfilled that promise for you, because that's all I can do." he said, and I woke up...

I jerked from my sleep, my breath gasping at that moment and my eyes also felt like fireflies. When I looked around I didn't get Naomi next to me, it seemed like I was alone. But the warm feeling of Luna's hand in the dream still felt so real to me, I touched my right cheek where Luna touched it earlier.

"Promise..what promise do you keep?" muttered

I thought hard to remember all the promises we had said, strange, but I don't feel like there's a single thing he's ever done. Slowly these eyes were fixed on the table next to me, there was a small note there that Naomi seemed to have left behind. Slowly my hand reached for the little paper and read the contents, "Jess, sorry papa and mama came home. They asked me to come to Luna's funeral, and my mom said you'd be okay. I hope I come first and you don't have time to read this note"

I cried again then, crying over another woman when I already had my own woman at this time... "Is this an allowed action? why do I feel so sick about losing him?" my question is in my heart...

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, repeatedly doing so so that I could stop crying. But free, it was so hard for me to let Luna go from my life, the sound - the sound was louder in my ears even more we had lived in a house with Naomi and Selena here. The memories made it harder for me to forget, but I realized I couldn't keep going on like this.

I shifted my steps to the door that connected the pool area with the living room, along with that I unbundled my intention to follow up to the funeral. When I opened the door, I saw a cloud blocking the sun. The wind felt so humid and cold, it seemed like it was going to rain soon. But for some reason, today's weather calms my heart...

I stood leaning against the door frame enjoying the cool breeze that hit my body. Not long after I heard the sound of the main door opening and closing, then footsteps came up to me and it seemed like Naomi had come home from the show. As I turned my head, I saw Naomi standing at the entrance of the living room with a worried look on her face.

"Home home?" I asked with a smile looking at him

"Sorry.I was forced to leave because my mom and dad picked me up.." Naomi said it with regret, I laughed and looked back at the pool in front of me.

"It's okay, you've been with me until I fell asleep.Thank you" I said.

"You... okay, Jess?" naomi asked sound worried

"I'm fine, I wanted to catch up when you weren't next to me but.." I hung up my sentence for a moment, it was impossible for me to say the reason, I can't find any more excuses.maybe this is the right time to apologize to her...

"... I can't afford... stupid as hell, I can't even let go..... What kind of man am I? crying for another woman when I have you.I'm sorry, Naomi.." I said guiltily, not feeling my tears coming back.

Slowly Naomi's hand felt like she was going to hug me from behind, she hugged me so tightly when her hands were wrapped around my waist. At that moment he said...

"It's okay to lose someone is hard, no one is willing to be separated by death, I fully understand how you feel, Jess" softly Naomi's voice as she says it, I flinched at that moment...

She can understand my grief caused by another woman, how big is Naomi's heart really? but at that time I could not think well, I was even more crying until sobbing - sobs. Naomi's words seemed to open the door to my tears, I don't know.

"Thank you for your understanding all along" I said

It took me a long time to finish all these tears so that my heart would feel relieved, during that time we were still standing in front of the door connecting the family room with the pool area with cold wind and humid because the weather was cloudy. Feeling that I was calmer, Naomi invited me to lunch together. Hunger struck me, I forgot when I had last eaten since yesterday even when we were in Paris.

In the kitchen we prepared our lunch menu together - similarly, it was not good for me to continue to fall like that. So I decided to help Naomi get through the time so as not to feel, unfortunately I only passed thirty minutes with cooking activities together that afternoon. We enjoyed the lunch menu together with small talk without even discussing about nutrition and also Luna, it seems Naomi avoids both of those things to talk about now.

After finishing with lunch, Naomi asked me to stay where I was while she suddenly ran out of the dining room somewhere. Not long after Naomi brought back the two items she placed next to my hand when she was sitting back right in front of me, my eyes were glued to the two items that turned out to be Diary Luna and a letter.

"It was Luna's father and Luna's mother who gave it to me. He said you should have the diary and about the letter" chirping Naomi because I just silently stared at the two things, I was sculpting at that time..

In the end I realized what Luna said about the promise that had been kept, it was her promise to write all the daily life in the diary. At that time I did not know what the contents of the Diary Luna book were because I was still not sure I could afford to read it, however it was the day of Luna's funeral and it still felt very new for me to part with her. Then about the letter left for me, no. It wasn't just for me, I'm sure Luna left it for all of us.

"You don't have to open it now. I know you will need some time, for a while let me keep it until your heart is ready to read it" Naomi said, breaking the silence, then I turned my eyes to look at Naomi.

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me that much." I chimed in an annoyed tone, Naomi smiled at me as she sighed.

"Why don't I worry, you look so sad." Naomi said.

"This letter and diary, I leave it to you first, before that, I want to print photos when I'm in Paris" I said while operating my phone, I called Luke's number back then.

***

"Hello Jester!! do you need me?!! I'll be there soon!!" luke said as my phone lifted

"What the fuck are you? I'm fine" I'm upset at the exaggerated response

"Huh?! no way, you just didn't come to the funeral." Luke said, I heard a noise behind the phone. I heard that I was having a heated argument with a woman, like it was Sarah.

"Hello Jester, do you need Luke? I'm sure you'll need me more right now, your friend is too stupid to help you at a time like this" Sarah said, true to my guess if Luke is with Sarah right now.

"Aaa Sarah, Ahaha.You're right, maybe I need you more right now" I said.

"Tell me, I'll do everything I can" Sarah said

"I want to print my photos while in Paris, actually simple things but I want photos that are able to survive from water, the color is durable and. not quickly damaged" I asked, for a moment between me and Sarah was silent...

"Well, that's easy.I'll work on it soon, you just send me those photos" Sarah said, breaking the silence.

"Thank you, Sarah" I chimed in and I hung up.

***

After I spent my time chatting with Naomi all day, I tried to get up from my slump. Setting my heart is harder than getting me up with all my bad memories, especially when I want to visit Luna's grave as soon as I realize my heart is not ready. Exactly one week from the day of Luna's funeral, I finally decided to visit her grave.