I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Episode 5's

"Are there any boys you're appraising?" doctor Ellie asked me with a smile that seemed to tease me

I don't know what to answer, in my mind saying "What - what is this one doctor? at a time like this he's making jokes?"

I buried my head back in my pillow and ignored Doctor Ellie's questions, but it didn't seem like Doctor Ellie was out of ideas to get me to answer those silly questions. After a moment of silence, doctor Ellie's voice sounded.

"What about you Selena? is there a boy you like in school?" ask Dr. Ellie to Selena

"Huh? eeh I...no!! I don't like anyone, I hate boys" Selena replied frantically, selena's answer caught my attention at the time because I knew there was one boy in our class who often had Selena's lyrics silent - silent.

"There, she used to look at one of the boys in our class" I chanted in the chatter of doctors Ellie and Selena

"Luna!! I never looked at Adam!!" snapped Selena denied my words, suddenly the sound of Doctor Ellie's laughter was heard.

Selena's wrong behavior at that time made me a little satisfied because I was talking to her and I turned to look at her, Selena's reddened face is also funny to always remember.

"When Luna didn't mention Adam's name" Ellie's doctor teased Selena with the sound of laughter she was trying to endure

"Aaaa.. i. that.." stammered Selena said it.

"Adam once caught you staring at him" I teased him

"Luna!! Iiih~ don't like me!!" snapped Selena and turned her back on me

I smiled at Selena's embarrassment, and Doctor Ellie's laughter seemed to rub off on me. I did not feel like I was laughing and my laughing voice caught the attention of doctors Ellie and Selena, almost simultaneously they looked at me with a surprised face but looked happy. I stopped laughing and we stared at each other, until suddenly the soft hand of Doctor Ellie stroked my hair again.

"How's Luna? happiness can be created from a simple moment like that, as well as your shattered optimism. Let's rearrange that foundation of optimism" Ellie told me

I was stunned to hear what Doctor Ellie said to me, for a moment I felt the spirit again to recover from my illness. But even so, the doubt felt again gnawing at my spirit, slowly I put my head back on the pillow and buried it.

"Is it true.. Is there hope?" I asked, not feeling my tears dripping. My heart actually can not stand it anymore, every sleep I always was - was if I arrived.

"There is always hope because we are fragile human beings who can only hold on to hope, no human being can never hope. Whether we get our hope or not, it's not the essence of life that matters we've tried and there's no regret in life that we've been through" Ellie's doctor replied.

At that moment I cried - so....

I screamed as if I was blowing out all my heart in one breath....

A few minutes passed and I began to be able to control my emotions, now I sit on a mattress leaning against the wall to be able to look directly at doctors Ellie and Selena who were also sitting on the same mattress as me. For a moment we were silent and the atmosphere of my room was so quiet, I kept trying to rebuild my optimism in silence.

"Let's switch the conversation first, the first thing we need to do to build a sense of optimism is to build the mind. Do you have a mind, Luna?" doctor Ellie asked me, I smiled wryly at Doctor Ellie's question.

"Why do I have a mind?" I asked back, Doctor Ellie's breath as it sounded in my ear.

"Luna. mind - mind is important for us as humans, with the existence of the mind - mind then we will determine the purpose of our lives. No matter whether it will be or not, but without mind - the mind then man is just an empty container without meaning" replied Dr. Ellie who again - again makes me stunned

I began to turn my brain to think where my life's purpose is, do I really not have a mind? or do I have but be covered in my despair that continues to haunt my mind and heart? in the midst of my confusion at that time, it seemed like Selena understood I was confused at that moment.

I turned my eyes to look at Selena, I was so surprised by what Selena said. For a moment I remembered about my habit of singing on the sidelines I do my activities, when I sing also I often hear compliments from my father, mother, both parents Selena, Justin and Selena. But my habit stopped when I was thirteen, just when I learned of my illness.

"really? from the tone of the talk alone indeed your voice sounds melodious, I think Selena's words have a point" doctor Ellie was as if she was begging me to accept Selena's advice without thinking too long, too, I turned my eyes back to Doctor Ellie but remained silent.

"Can...?" doubtful, the smiles of Selena and Doctor Ellie are seen from the lines of smiles on their faces almost simultaneously.

"Sure, why not?" doctor Ellie's timpal to me

"I'm sure you can be a great singer!!" timpal Selena is full of spirit

I smiled despite the weight of my lips to do it, but my smile was interpreted as my approval for Selena and Doctor Ellie. I heard them both doing tos after seeing my smile, the sound of laughter was heard back then.

"Well.. mind - Luna's mind is to be a singer, the second one... How does your point of view look at the opposite sex? have you ever felt a tremor in your heart?" doctor Ellie asked me, I was surprised to hear that question again.

Slowly I threw my face away and avoided looking at Doctor Ellie, the question was very contrary to what I had decided since I knew that I was suffering from a severe illness. It was a tough decision but I had my resolve and the question from Doctor Ellie seemed to make me doubt my decision again, so I came back...

"What's up, Luna?" ask Dr. Ellie when I throw my face away from her eyes.

"About my relationship with everyone other than my family, that's just I imagine in my head. I don't care if I'm liked or hated because it's all in my imagination, as long as I don't feel wronged... I have no interest in others and others will not be interested in me" I replied

"Why do you think that?" doctor Ellie asked again, slowly I turned my eyes to see Doctor Ellie's eyes.

"Because I'm afraid of hurting a lot of people when I die. I want to live alone if I can, but it seems impossible because in the end there is Selena and Justin's sister who always accompany me to this point" I replied again

"That man cannot live without others, want how depressed you are because of others. No matter how desperate you are, surely one day you want to be accepted by others. That's why, even if you want to live alone but surely someday will fall in love with someone. That relationship will always be there" Dr. Ellie said, for a while I was pensively trying to understand what Dr. Ellie said.

"Can...?" I was hesitant, the smile of Doctor Ellie again looks as if affirming if I also deserve to fall in love someday.

"Then." I hung up my words because I smiled.

"I want a strange man who will tremble and stammer when talking to me." I continued.

"Well?!! what strange criteria is that?!" somewhat angrily Selena said, along with that I also heard the laughter of Doctor Ellie.

"Then? what else do you expect from your first love?" doctor Ellie asked as if she was luring me back to describe the figure of my dream man.

"The man is always childish but I have no problem with that, he's a man who doesn't even want me to be away from him even if it's only an inch together. The man who understands my heart even though I have nothing to say to him, I want him to be understanding, kind, and always sour-faced when he is worried about something that is also always excited when he is with his friends" my answer is spontaneous

"Luna!!! what are you talking about?!! what strange man are you actually imagining?!! stop that stupid request!!" selena shouted to me

Honestly, I don't care what Selena says because it's all that comes to my head to answer Doctor Ellie's question, and the laughter of Doctor Ellie gets louder. Slowly I raised my head to look at Selena, I looked at her with my eyes slightly narrowed to look at Selena.

"And I curse him, he will be single for life until I become his girlfriend or when I die then he can only date the woman of my choice to be my successor!!" I firmly took my oath even though I was only joking at the time...