I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Season 3: Episode 52

After I said my sincere apology, I smiled at him. The sincere smile I had seemed to make Brother Jester unable to say anymore - in words, he was just glued to me with eyes full of sadness and disappointment. I took a deep breath - in and then exhaled slowly, this was the right time for me to pour out all that I had long hidden from her.

"I used to think that if you hated me right away then you wouldn't be so deeply in love with me that would bring you down even further with me... I want you to leave me drowning in the trough of our love separated by circumstances, which is why I thought of making you hate me" still smiling I said that while looking into Jester's eyes

"I've been chasing my dream that I told you about before. I want to be a singer and focus on pursuing that dream so I can forget about you and you know? I made it. I was a finalist in the talent show and that was the biggest achievement of my life.I should have been very happy when I reached the final and just beat two more competitors, but..." I hung my words with a sigh that felt so heavy on my chest, and then I turned my gaze to look at the still-lit television screen.

Somehow I could imagine I was on that television screen, I was standing on stage with Grece, Mr. Jhonson and Yohan being judges. The crowd cheered my name, they can't wait to see my performance that will lead me to be the champion of defeating Manda and Peter. I could see myself standing firmly staring at all the fans, my smile on it. I saw myself like that on a television screen right in front of me, even though it was just my imagination.

"In the thousands of eyes of the audience who saw me at that time, their cheers called out my name, the roar of the audience waiting for me to come out on stage.... all the stars that covered me at that moment. My heart was empty and the feeling of pleasure I should have had was all empty. I was lonely in the crowd, my achievements felt so pseudo in my heart" again I wanted to cry when it was, but I could hold back tears so far.

I took a deep breath back - and then I turned this eye to look into my prince's glassy eyes, my heart breaking, I didn't want to make him cry, I don't want this to happen.This is what I've always avoided for two years, but this time I have to face this to get sorry.

"Splitting from you makes me understand how wonderful it is when I am with you and always I remember all those memories." I have no power to hold back my cries until I cannot continue my sentence, I took my breath back as these fingers pinched each other.

"That's when I realized that all I needed in my life was you. Once loved and loved someone, it made it impossible to forget them.... my heart always thinks of you and my love for you even deeper.I'm sorry for loving you all this time.." I said and then I pulled back my smile line that felt heavier, slowly, Brother Jester lowered his head.

"Then how should I? what should I do now when you are like this?!! I'm confused what to do for you, now just say it honestly.... You want me how at a time like this? just say.. I will definitely do it for you. There are no secrets - secrets between us. I do not want to continue to live in my regrets.." said brother Jester.

Something that I was so afraid to hear I finally had to listen to, the hoarse voice of Brother Jester and the trembling when saying it made me realize now that Brother Jester was crying because of me. My heart again feels sliced to see Jester's feet sad because of my circumstances, this used to make me sure if what I chose was the most correct thing even though in the end I regretted it.

"I.. want to rest.. can leave me.." chirped me with the best smile I could give in front of him, Brother Jester jerked and raised his head to look at me.

"You... kicked me out...?" asked Brother Jester stammered, his tears I could see flowing profusely down his face.

"No sis.. I was just not feeling well, maybe the side effects of the medicine I received and now. I feel sleepy.." I replied still with that smile.

Slowly Jester wiped his tears and stood up and turned to get out of my room, before he actually came out when I tried to stop him by saying...

"Sister." chirped me and I still kept looking at him with a smile, Brother Jester turned to look at me but he just kept quiet.

"Can... You bring a guitar here when you see me again?" I asked him, he was silent for a while, Brother Jester opened the door and said..

"Yes" he answered briefly, then he closed the door.

I was relieved that in the end I no longer needed to hold back these tears, they came - they were flowing so hard from both of my eyes. I just let them wet their faces and even drip down my clothes, my hands squeezed this bed sheet very strongly and my body felt shaking violently. It seems that I have been too forcing this body to act strong in front of Brother Jester, but in the end I have to be self-conscious if I am just a cute girl who is easily touched by his heart.

"I'm sorry.." I muttered many times as I continued to stare at the door of the room as if Jester was still there, not long before I covered my face with both hands with my heartbreaking cry.

I let this day go by, sleeping in my room with the distinctive sounds that accompany me. The smell of chlorine also does not disturb this nose, it seems that between me and chlorine also know each other very well. Only television entertains me all day, although I can not deny I always cry all day until exhausted and I fall asleep.

There was nothing else I did until the night changed...

Day two...

Today, I wish Jester really came up with a guitar with him, I want to sing my last song that I didn't sing when I auditioned for talent. That song is... All I Ask by Adele, a song that reminds me of Jester with lyrics that touch my heart as if it reflects my story with Jester.

If I recall that song was the song that Grece chose for me when I was going to perform in the final, I could not afford to sing it and decided to step down. No. No, I can't lie anymore. I decided to retreat because I remembered my prince, yes it is true, because the song reminds me of my prince, Brother Jester.

It was exactly nine in the morning when I was trying to eat the breakfast the hospital gave me, I was still sitting leaning against the mattress that I was slightly erecting with a folding table in front of me that was fused with the mattress. But I couldn't eat the food because it was so sour, I just daydreamed looking at the glass window that allowed me to see the clear sky in Paris today.

The sound of knocking on the door of the room woke me from the daydream, I slowly turned to look at the door along with the spinning algae. Slowly the door opened and from the opening was the face of Brother Jester, but at that moment I did not focus on his face because something interesting came with Brother Jester.

Yeah, a guitar bag that Jester's brother brought with him, he's totally following what I asked of him. I knew he had to buy that guitar because we were so far away from home, there was no way someone would borrow him a guitar. The sacrifice made by Brother Jester made my heart touched again, he is really a good man.:)

"Aaaa~ thank you! Wait.. I have to prepare first" I said when Brother Jester had entered and closed the door to the room.

I pushed the dinner table back to fold and I wanted to get my hair straight, but I was silent for a moment when I touched my head, I forgot I had my hair falling out again lately. My smile suddenly disappeared from my face and my brother Jester understood what I was feeling at that time, he kind of ran up to me and said...

"Eeh Luna, don't think about it too much." said Jester.

"Aaaa~ doctor won't allow me to wear fake hair, I'll look ugly if this is how I last looked~" so sad my heart when I said it, I said it, I stared at Jester, hoping he would give me a wig I could use.

But then Jester smiled at me, I don't know what he was thinking at the time because it was the first time after I hurt him... I got such a gentle look in my eyes and such a sweet smile from her. If I remember back, there was only a look full of anger, resentment, and also as if he was disgusted at me. I smiled back at her smile even though we were only silent for a moment, I immediately came up with an idea...

"Hey. hey brother, record my appearance dong using your phone" I asked him

A final appearance I want to capture on my cell phone, brother Jester, hope if he misses my figure then the video will accompany him. Ahaha... what - what is this thinking of me, of course he will not miss me right? In her heart was Naomi who would accompany the days of Sister Jester, of course I had no place anymore. But. I hope the memories I can give this will be useful for him, no matter what the circumstances were at that time.

Kak Jester took out his cell phone from his pants pocket and leaned the phone in a flower vase located on a table near the television, a little while ago, Jester positioned the phone so that the camera could capture a picture of me and the chair that was right next to where I was leaning on the mattress.

After getting a good position, Brother Jester walked back to me and sat down in a chair close to me. He pulled out the guitar from the bag and then his fingers cleverly played a few notes to make sure if the tone that came out was not false, I smiled looking at him when Jester's brother was still busy with the guitar.

"In my last performance, I've sung two songs and there's only one more that I can't sing at that time..." my chirps broke the silence between us while Jester was still preoccupied with the guitar.

"What song is that?" ask brother Jester curiously

"Song by Adele.. with the title, All I Ask.." I answered stammeringly, I tried to lure him into whether he had the same feelings as me when I gave him the title of the song we were going to play together this morning.

Jester's activity stopped and he looked at me with a surprised face, I don't know what was in his mind at that time. But it seems my hope is fulfilled, brother Jester had the same thoughts as me when he heard the song All I Ask. At least with this song, my feelings can be conveyed to him very well.

"The stage name I used at that time was Lunar, I used that name because I felt like the moon looked beautiful at night but I couldn't look beautiful if I just relied on my own strength. I need sunlight to look beautiful, but unfortunately I've lost my sunshine... I said that to Grece and he chose the song right away on the grounds that I could definitely sing it well if I involved the feeling of love.." I continued the previous sentence, brother Jester immediately threw away his face avoiding looking at me.

"Sister.. Can you accompany me with that guitar?" I asked as I looked at these eyes I pointed at the camera

"I'll do my best" replied Brother Jester, I took a breath and was ready to sing the song as best I could.