I Borrowed Him : Diary Luna
Episode 54

A feeling of love and affection that I now feel so different, maybe I can strengthen my heart to lose my first love for his good but to lose the person I love... I'm so hard to do.

The taste I had for Justin's sister was different to what I felt for Jester's sister, everything was different just as I had to let go of losing my father, mother, and Selena... I won't be that strong withstanding loss but I might still be strong if I had to part with Brother Jester...

All for the good of my brother Jester...

Two days have passed since Justin's brother declared his love for me, our conversation was cut off as mom and dad walked into the room. Since that day I always avoided meeting with Justin's sister, every time he came then I always pretended to be asleep.

The day I got Doctor Ellie and Dr. Richard, they gave me a new verdict - something I knew from the beginning, from that day on I started a new therapy so I could walk again. But I never do it really - really, I'm like a robot that moves when there's an order from someone else.

Aaah, yes, I almost forgot something that had become my new skill. I don't know since when I had this ability, but it helped me a lot in the end. That ability is a fake smile...

The smile that I always looked before my father, mother, and brother Jester, a smile that always makes them stop worrying about me.

Brother Jester is the most difficult for me to get along with, he's too much in taste with all my changes. Every time we met, Brother Jester's face always worried me, of course I returned his expression with my smile so that he stopped to constantly worry about me.

This time it has been a week since brother Justin declared his love for me, I still can not walk and even just stand, I don't care about anything else but my death. So one afternoon when Selena was visiting. I tried to start my plan...

That afternoon Selena sat next to me, telling me long stories about her days at school while peeling apples for me. I knew he was trying to comfort me because in front of him, the fake smile that had been my expertise would be off my face, to me... Selena is the only person who can understand me without putting a new burden on me. Unlike Alvin and Justin, they add to the burden of my mind...

"Selena.." I cut her story, I gave her a little note about what - what she had to do to be me.

"What's this?" selena asked as she received the small note, her eyes now turned to read the contents in the note that I had written in recent days.

"How to be me." I replied, for a moment we fell silent because Selena was so serious about reading all the lists on how to become Luna.

"What's this for?" selena asked as she finished reading all the contents in the note, I smiled at her.

"Selena... Can you help me one last time?" I asked him, maybe my words made him angry.he immediately stood up from his seat and gave a facial expression that showed how emotional he was.

"Don't say this is the last one!!" snapped at me, I chuckled as I turned my gaze to the bright afternoon sky from behind the window of my room.

"Please..just listen to my request if you're willing.I'm tired, Selena....

"A.. what?" tannya

"Please replace me to be. Brother Jester's girlfriend.." I replied.

I turned to look at Selena's face because she was silent for too long, unlike usual if Selena had something to think about then she would immediately reveal it directly without a second thought. When our eyes met, I saw him so shocked, maybe my request made him go into a deep shock... but it was the same expression I had when I asked her to be friends with Naomi when we were kids.

"Selena~ your expression makes me remember the memories of our childhood" I chanted with a hint of laughter

"Son.. funny...not funny, Luna!! I will not accept your request!! that's selfish you know!!!" he was so angry with me, but his anger only returned with a fake smile.

I know... I know it's selfish, who am I to determine a boyfriend for Brother Jester? but I wouldn't be willing if Jester was with a woman I don't know and don't know her nature, for me Jester was too innocent to be a man. He was so easily fooled by all my lies, although several times I almost got caught.

"You're selfish!! have you ever thought about the feelings of Brother Jester?!! it was your lies that ruined your relationship, and this time you again sacrificed her feelings?!! where's heart?!" snapping Selena at me, I sighed before responding to her words.

"Selena... Do you care about Jester?" I asked her, Selena gasped at my question and she stared at me sharply.

"I know that. You care so much about how Jester's heart is when he is forced to accept my selfish decision, I hear... you once told Brother Jester that you wanted a man like him to be your partner." I said.

"Luna! I never said that!!" Selena broke my words, I chuckled at her rebuttal and pinched her left cheek gently.

"My weird dream guy.... Good guy, right?" ask her, Selena again jerked at my question.

"You will surely love him when you are close to each other.Maybe you will find it difficult to get close to him because there is a shadow in my prince's heart, but I've given everything I know about Brother Jester and wish you could be Selena Luna" I said again with a smile that was so sincere to her, now the pinch on her cheek I'm turning into a soft caress.

"Lu.na.you are not stable..you do not talk strange at times like this, after you get out of the hospital and your mind is back to normal... we'll talk about this again, not now when you're between sober and no" said Selena, who was still visibly shocked by our conversation

I know. stable or not I just have to wait for my time to finish in this world, that's why finding my replacement for Brother Jester I have to do it immediately. I am selfish, but only selfishness can calm me down and leave everyone I love, because everything will be in line with my expectations.

I just nodded and accepted her decision to postpone what we discussed this afternoon when I was discharged from the hospital, after that I tried to become Luna who Selena was familiar with as usual.I lured her to talk about other things so that the shock that Selena felt was reduced. But the atmosphere became awkward, Selena was more silent and did not respond to our conversation as usual.

The time alternated, all life went including my life which was still in the hospital. Undergoing various types of treatment and therapy, but none of them showed positive development. In the end I asked my father and mother to come home from the hospital and then go on an outpatient basis, at which time my decision was opposed by my father, mother, doctor Richard and doctor Ellie.

No one was able to change my decision, not even Selena's persuasion I ignored. Until finally I was at home exactly one week before the school's dies natalis event took place, I asked my father to tell the school that I was still sick and I decided to step down to be the main vocalist of the school.

In the afternoon Mr. Mike came to me at home to make sure I was, after seeing me who still could not get out of the wheelchair.. mr. Mike just said that the position was mine when I went back to school. I just smiled when Mike said it because I knew I would never go back to school, all my dreams had ended the way Alvin told me.

Now everyone is asking questions about my illness, the school became more excited about what happened to me even though the dies natalis event was in front of them all. Some of them suspected that if the pain I suffered because of the actions of Natalie's sister and the information was growing wildly, I am grateful that the rumors were circulating because of the rumors... I'd rather lie to Jester, who always asks me what I'm suffering from as long as he visits me at home.

And finally, the event that was supposed to be my main star of the school began, but I still could not do anything but sit in my wheelchair all day inside the house...