Love Is Hurt (Wedding Polygamy)
Season 3's. Families.
"Nara."
Mama greeted me and hugged my body which really needed warmth from someone's embrace.
"Ma."
I cried in Mama's arms vanishing all the pain that burst in and pierced deeply.
Sometimes I want to laugh. Looking at destiny and believing all this is joking. I really can't believe it, if I finally give up. How could fate sow promises, now it unplugs itself. Stars are like people who don't know me. He let me get left behind with the feelings he put off. He said, give up whenever I can't open my heart to you! A heart that cannot be with him. And the hurt part of it all was when he said the things that are still in the recesses of my heart.
I've been half dead all this time fighting for it. Convince her that the love I have is true. Makes him love me in many ways but still I'm a losing fighter.
"Mama, the hyx hyx."
My crying broke. I hugged Mama as hard and tight as I could. I overflowed all the emotions, anger and disappointment that were suffocating my chest and neck. I feel like I want to die after being satisfied crying in Mama's arms.
"Mama."
No matter the shame or prestige because I'm an adult. For me, Mama is the best place to go home. Although the whole world judges with their opinions but Mama always assures me that everything will be fine.
"Cry, son."
Crushed melted, all into pieces of wound that will not be able to re-integrate as before.
"Mom, Nara..."
My voice was hoarse and unclear. This was the first time I cried so much without caring about the circumstances around me.
Daddy, Naro, Tata and Shaka watched my cries like a child, but do I care? I don't care at all. Crying does not solve the problem but crying can give relief in the chest.
Now everything is different from what I once called a plan. The Bintang chose the path by hurting me, while I enjoyed the sharp stabs that burst into my chest. I let him stay away, because what it means to keep someone vulnerable. I learned a reality I never thought of before. I'm looking for a way to understand what's going on. He was never wholehearted, but I was carried away.
"Dear."
Mama let go of my embrace and wiped my tears.
"Strong name yes, dear. Nara is Mama's most beautiful child" said Mama strengthen me.
Since childhood my life has always been in misery. Naro and I had an accident that left me with paralysis on both feet. Not only did I get there, I also had to accept the divorce between Papa and Mama. I didn't understand what separation meant but I refused because I was so close to Papa. One thing, I was sentenced to heart failure by a doctor and had to get a heart donor so I could survive longer. After that I had to lose Papa forever so that I could live and enjoy the promises he wanted to keep.
"Mama," whine.
Mama smiled as she rubbed my head. This warm and comfortable touch really made me comfortable.
"I'm sorry, Mom, son. If only Mama hadn't forced you to marry a Bintang, you wouldn't have experienced something like this" Mama said.
"Come, Son. Sit down first" take Daddy.
Mama sat me down on the couch and was followed by my three sisters. Tata seemed to cry too seeing my sadness as well as Shaka. While Naro was silent with a flat face without expression no matter what he thought.
"So don't drink yet." Tata gave me a glass of water.
"Thank you, Ta." I greet the glass from Tata's hand and wait until the toilet.
I breathed as much as possible while neutralizing the emotions that were about to explode in there. All just matters will be acceptance. The sad month I've been through. Steps that have stopped. The crying broke for days. All the things I couldn't believe in were finally happening. Of all that passes and is now called the past. I try to teach a life lesson that will not stop because of a broken heart. The roads will get longer.
"Slow down the story," said Mama softly. The soft sound of ayu managed to calm my heart and soul.
"Mama." I clenched Mama's hand tightly. "I'm sorry Nara, Ma. Nara can't make Mama happy. Nara can't hold on, Ma," I said.
Mama shook her head, "Mama should apologize because Mama asked you to marry Bintang" said Mama. "Nara made Mama happy. So Nara doesn't have to feel guilty" Mama said.
How fortunate I am to have parents who have always supported me in every way. Daddy, although not a real father but loves me sincerely. Tata who is also not my biological sister also supports me well.
"Nara can't hold on, Ma. Mas Bintang is not the right man for Nara," I said.
My mother pulled me back into her arms. His hands stretched out rubbing my fragile back.
"It's just a matter of time, son. I am sure that one day you will find another happiness. Alan there is a man who loves and sincerely loves you as you are," Mama said again.
I don't know, I don't know if I can still fall in love after this? Even when Rimba said he loved me, I could not give an answer to his expression of feelings, because I don't know if I can fall in love for the umpteenth time after being broken and destroyed by the love I want to have so much.
"Nara, you better take a break. Later Daddy will talk to Daddy Sky," said Daddy.
I nodded, "Yes Dad," I said.
"Come, Brother. Let Tata help the room," bargained Tata. Tata and I are very close, like brothers and sisters.
"Thank you, Ta," I said.
Tata helped me get into the room. My body feels weak and helpless. The entire flow in my blood hissed and squeezed each other.
"Silver rest yes," said Tata memapahku sitting on the lip of the bed.
"Yes." I looked at my sister. I hope Tata will never get what I feel right now.
"Yes, Brother?" Tata also returned my gaze. "Is there anything you want to say to Tata?" tanya Tata soft. My sister is chatty and noisy but she's the most comfortable place for me to tell her about my problems.
Seriate.....