Fake Princess
CHAPTER 31
“ Here there are no pretty girls to kiss, Devan, or games to play, or pranks to do. There are no theatrics to watch, no music halls to go to. There's not even a library for you to make a place to escape.”
I laughed, a high-pitched, shrill laugh that I didn't recognize.
“ Oh, don't worry. Not just you. Lookenround. Here there is nothing a sane person can do.”
“ There's you,” Devan says slowly.
“ I came to look for you. I'll look for you anywhere,”
Devan added in a louder voice.
“ To the worst of places, or the hell of the Nameless God that froze. You're myfriend. I'll still come to look for you.”
Part of me wanted to grab Devan's arm and beg him to forgive me for everything I just said. Part of me wanted to close my eyes and pretend we were standing in the palace garden, pretending nothing had changed. Part of me wanted to sit on the ground with Devan and chat until my lips went numb, wanting to tell me my life here. About the deer in the lake, my confusion about Jose, the tension in my relationship with Aunt Vania, my fear about the feeling of something stuck inside me that has bothered me ever since I got here.
Partly wanted it. But the other part of me was too embarrassed to be caught in a careless, dirty, wet, poor state.& my self-esteem was too high to retract my words.
“ I'm not Diana anymore,” I said, in a very cold tone until Devan staggered back on his heels. I clasped the skirt, shaking it towards Devan.
“ Look at me, Devan. Look carefully. This is who I am now. I'm the niece of a dyer in a small, remote town, who doesn't even have a suit of his own. I clean the house, I cook dinner, & I dyed various kinds of things. & I'm not even smart to do it.”
“ I don't care,” furious Devan. His eyes blinked, and his hands clenched to whiten due to the fierce spirit when saying it.
“ I don't care if you're a princess, or the daughter of a fishmonger, or a gypsy wanderer. I'm friends with you not because of that.”
Almost, it affected me. But I've gone too far. I heard myself insist, though,
Devan shook his head so hard it must have hurt. “ No. Amelia, listen to me.”
When I heard him say my name, a name I did not want…. I'm losing control.
” Stop,” hisisku.
“ You've come, you've checked my situation. You've done your job. It's no use, Devan. Go.”
After saying it I turned around, my back was as straight as Aunt Vania's back. I could feel hot and stinging tears start to fall down my cheeks, but I couldn't force myself to stare at Devan. The atmosphere was silent for quite a while, then he said,
“ I brought you something. Map of King Ardan. You left it to me that day. I thought maybe you could, well, study it. Understand what it means.”
“ And which library can I use?” I asked grimly.
“ Know what I can read to find answers to puzzles that no one has cared about for three hundred years?”
“ I think you want it,” Devan said. I've never heard Devan talk that slow, sound lost.
“ Well, your guess is wrong,” I said carelessly, still while turning my back on him.
“ Here I have many friends, Devan. They keep me busy. I don't need your pity or a gift from you.”
Seriate