Fake Princess
CHAPTER 48
Paula shook her head as she looked at me. “ I wonder really, the magic did not show itself before, usually witches with potential as big as you showed the signs when you were a child. I just guessed the cause of the spell they used, the spell that served for everyone to think of you as the princess. The spell was very intelligent, very powerful. The spell prevents your magic from showing itself, and is strong enough to keep it from appearing until the spell is released. To be honest, it's hard work because the amount is very large.”
I was terrified, feeling completely unable to control something very dangerous inside me. To compensate for this fear, I found myself not only trying to control but gripping it tightly. Little by little, things started to rarely explode.& that was good, but because I gripped my magic so tightly, my spells often failed.
“ You must cooperate with magic,” Paula often said it until I fell asleep with her words ringing in my head.
“ You tried too hard to control it. Let the magic flow through you. Consider yourself a river. Don't bend the water, but don't let it flow to the edge either. Believe in her magic, and believe in yourself. Be more relaxed, Amelia.”
This frustrated me, making me wonder if I could ever get real skills again. I'm used to being great at learning; I want to be great at magic. I pushed myself harder than Paula did, even though I knew I was still holding back in some important ways, unwilling to take off my magic and find out what was happening. This constant push & pull kept me tense every time we started the lesson, & caused me to be nervous for hours afterward.
I have not managed to recover all parts of myself, but the scattered fragments lying more quietly than they were in Treb, gradually expanded to not hurt me too often.
However, as the weeks went by, there was this newly formed part of me that did not go well. At first, I tried to ignore it. But as time went on, instead of improving in all my lessons, I got worse. Several times Paula was forced to rebuke me to pay attention to her. I accidentally left a burning stain on the cover of a book I was copying in the library, and caused a windstorm in my bedroom that almost made my bed thrown out the window. At the end of it I could not sleep, but just lay low, languishing under a warm blanket.
I know the cause, despite trying to ignore it. However, it was like trying to ignore a wound that did not stop dripping blood, like trying to ignore your broken heart. Even after feeling relieved to get a place with Paula, the world began to feel boring & dull, less colorful & melodious. I stuck through it, stubbornly, for weeks, convincing myself that I was happy, but in the end I had to admit the truth. No matter how comfortable I feel at Paula's house, no matter how much magic I learn, it won't matter until I mend my relationship with Devan.
Seriate