My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
sharing Love ?

Aisyah POV

"aisy, we ate yuk. all day you haven't eaten at all"

Nilam, my cousin and best friend invited me to lunch while I was busy looking at the patient records documents in my study

"you go first, I'm busy"

answer me while continuing to focus on the documents in my hands

"no, I want you to eat now with me"

his words firmly

"Nilam I'm busy, so you eat first"

"isy, when the hell are you doing this? torturing yourself is only because someone is clearly not your destiny"

I paused for a moment, then refocused on the documents I read alternately one by one

"yes, it is you who taught yourself to always sincerely accept every provision from God, even if it is not in accordance with what we want. when both of my parents died due to an accident, he said, you're the one who always reminded me to sincerely let go of the person I love the most, but now what? you seem to forget everything you said, which you taught me. You torture yourself because of a destiny that does not take your side.he who you hope to have been happy with his life, he said, then you're here? even make your life miserable and forget the same people who love and love you sincerely"

"Nilam, I DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE.I'm busy, I can't be bothered"

I said in a slightly high voice so that Nilam would understand my current situation

"hmm, wonder I'm the same you. whatever, please you concern yourself as if forgetting that the ruler of destiny is watching his hypocritical servant"

Nilam came out angry with me.

I sat in a doldrums, storing the documents I had in my hands just like that

actually I don't want it to be like this, but whatever this force of heart is always thinking about it endlessly.Even the more I try to forget it the harder it is for me not to think about it.

why fidz, why are you torturing my heart like this? I've busied myself with all kinds of busyness, but why is your name getting tighter in my heart.

please get out of my mind, I'm tired.

without me asking these tears to wet my cheeks again, every time I remember her name.

~

after thinking for a few days, then I decided not to practice in the cottage anymore because if I was still there, I was not sure if I would be strong to see the togetherness of hafidz and nurain.

"yes ma'am, Aisy had thought about her carefully.for a while Aisy had to stop first from the cottage"

I closed the conversation with my mother who was still in the neighboring country.

"umma, Babah, aisy apologize once if this decision aisy as selfish.insyaallah someday Aisy will come back here again help-stone treatment for the students. but for now Aisy needs permission and blessing from umma and Babah to practice aisy outside"

"ka aisy, Farah please don't leave here well"

with tears I could only hug a woman whom I had considered my own sister, not when he begged with his hoarse voice for holding back the cry when I came home leaving my paradise garden.

with great difficulty I asked permission to get out of this cottage.

but from my childhood until now I spend my time here. Too many beautiful memories are engraved here, but in the end I have to leave it with sadness in my heart.

"Aisha, wait, wait"

I stopped my steps when someone I knew called my name

"aisy, does it end up being like this? can't we rethink this anti-decision?"

I just shook my head slowly and looked at her with teary eyes

"aisy, ana does not know what the reason for the anti-leaving this cottage.is it true because anti want to focus on deepening medical science first while practicing it out there, or because__love that clapped one hand"

DEG

my eyes are perfectly rounded when hafidz says love is clapping one hand. does he know how I feel all along for him?

"well, ana knows how anti feeling so far in ana. by accident ana found an anti diary that fell in front of the door of the house, when ana visited the house anti. ana also knows what the reason for anti not attending the wedding ana. and ana also apologizes if ana can not reciprocate all those feelings.but please anti do not stay in this cottage yes, yes, the students need anti-Isy"

"Afwan fidz, for now ana can not meet the demand between ana. ana need time to understand yourself, understand the destiny that is not in favor of ana. and ana also can not see the person who ana love, the dear ana always be near others.but ana promise, someday God willing if this heart has recovered, if this heart has recovered, ana will be back here to gather with the santri again"

"but aisy__"

"please understand. ana just needs fidz time"

"it is good that it is what is anti-need.may Allah always protect the anti, may Allah also re-assemble us together as before"

I also say goodbye to hafidz for the last time.by slowly driving my car through every line of this cottage. I want to look freely for the last time before I actually leave it.

when near the gate of the cottage, I saw the figure of Nurain was standing looking at my car. then I stopped this car right near him, because I was sure nurain wanted to talk to me.

"doctor aisy, can we talk?"

I just nodded, then parked my car to the side of the road.

"doctor Aisyah, earlier nur apologized for daring to interfere with his time"

"no ko, anti want to talk about what to ana?"

"begini__nur please doctor Aisyah do not go, do not stay in this cottage.nur apologize if the presence of nur made doctor Aisyah leave this cottage"

nurain cried out pleading with both of my hands.

"not ko nur this is not because anti, ana just wants to focus on exploring medical science out there and also ana wants to practice it for those who need ana more. sorry if ana can't fulfill the anti-fake"

"but doc, Babah, umma, Ning Farah, and all the santri here are in desperate need of a doctor.they don't want the doctor to go. please doc, please, even if the doctor wants ana__ana sincerely share Gus hafidz's love for the doctor.if the doctor does not go and stay here with us"

sakali again these eyes are perfectly rounded to hear what is said by Nurain.

I didn't expect that Nurain would talk to me like that. Saying something that every woman fears and may even hate the most.

even I hate the word sharing love with other women, but Nurain says it as if it were easy.