My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
Dilemmatic

hearing the confession from Maryam about why the letter could be in my closet, it made me very surprised that Maryam was keeping it back. I was confused and more confused about how. because honestly I was shocked and angry, I was, angry at me who is upset, angry at the situation, why should when I am facing the school exam this problem is present. I chose to calm myself to think clearly even though Maryam was crying and apologizing, but I just kept quiet and chose to leave her alone in the musholla. Afwan Iam ana needs time alone, ana needs time to understand this, and try to take her wisdom later from this incident.

at nightfall, we who were twelve people yesterday called to the amni court, again called by the ustadzah to face the mother caretaker in her house.My heart was again afraid and trembling, what I have to answer later in front of him. whether I have to answer him honestly or I just keep quiet without refuting or justifying it. O Allah, I am really dilemmatic.

"nur, now anti want to go to mother's house huh? hopefully the punishment is not heavy yes, and ana also hopes anti-guilty even though ana does not know what mistakes make the anti called by the security department" Widia approached me as I was sitting alone in front of my closet, I just answered her with a slight smile and nod.

but the center of my attention is assyila, he did not say hello or talk to me today. Even now I notice him like cool with the book in his hand. I don't know what makes it that way, but whatever it is, maybe for now I have to focus more on myself.

"Wid, ana to the nanny's house first yes, Syukron make her support"

"yes, be patient"

I went straight outside without saying goodbye to Ashila for fear of disturbing her concentration.

at the nanny's house, we were twelve people were complete to gather, just waiting for ustadzahs and nanny's mother.again,, this heart trembled and was afraid if later it was faced directly with the nanny's mother.

"nur, anti-pain?" Sally, asked while putting her palm on my forehead

"uh, no sick cells yet"

"but the anti-red face, like his anti is also a bit feverish"

"no, it's not really painful" I said again, because I felt fine just my heart was not good.

the nanny mother came along with the ustadzah who followed behind her.we all took turns shaking hands with her, including me. But I kept my head down without being able to see her face even if only a glance. because I have not been able to, I am too embarrassed and I am also afraid there is disappointment in him against me.

"assalamualaikum wr wb" he said to us

"waalaikumsalam wr wb" we answered simultaneously

"how are you all doing, you're healthy?" ask him to open the conversation

"Alhamdulillah if at all healthy" said her again accompanied by a smile so soft.well, that's her, our mother caregiver mother our beloved nanny. who always smiled gently to his santri indiscriminately and under any circumstances.

"you know why you were called here?" he asked back, we could all just look down embarrassed without answering his question.

"try to listen to the confession of each of you, and of course his awareness of yourself" then he fell silent and looked at us one by one. suddenly Selly brandished his hands, and, he began to speak in a trembling tone as if trying to hold back his tear from coming out.

"mother, just wrong, Selly wants to apologize for breaking the rules of the cottage. Sally, already,,, berbalas the treatise with,, with one of the santri putra here,, once again Selly apologized for not being able to be a good mother santri,,, Selly apologized for disappointing her" Selly admitted her mistake and apologized to the mother's nanny directly, which was followed by others. one by one, they admitted their mistakes and apologized directly to the mother.

now only I am silent to stare without a word, I try to hold back my tears so as not to come out of the corner of this eye. I know the nanny's mother and the ustadzah are waiting for my confession from my mouth directly, but what can I do? what am I supposed to say? I could not lie or tell the truth in front of the Ustadzahs, my friends and my underclassmen.

"nur, as for which others have admitted their guilt with his consciousness.does mother also know what she has done?" now all eyes are on me, waiting for my answer and confession directly.I am still trying to find the right word so as not to say wrong.but it is difficult, I am confused what to answer. oh, my God, that's,,,

"nur, mother asked anti. ustadzah please anti answer honestly" now ustadzah Faridah who said trying to persuade me to talk

"nur, from last night ustadzah asked the same thing but anti not talk at all, anti just silence and cry.we all look forward to the honesty of anti, not just crying" ustadzah Mila also spoke

"mother from last night, nurain did not want to talk. she did not admit or deny it, so the five of us were confused as to who she had committed the offence, he said, though we have found the evidence but Nurain did not want to confess" now the Nia Ustadzah who spoke to the nanny mother explained about me not wanting to talk and admit my mistakes even though from last night the ustadzahs had urged me.

I still bowed in my silence, let those who were here judge me as to what I was, and I decided that I would not speak of whom I had received the letter from, in front of the Ustadzah and my friends.

"nur, look at me" he said softly

DEG

my heart was getting restless, my eyes could not be cooperated anymore.The tears were no longer me to weep. I cried in front of him, I was ashamed, I was afraid, I was afraid, I'm confused,,,, I'm,,,

"nur, the mother will not be angry with nur or with others.as long as nur wants to talk and confess honestly for the violations that have been done in this lodge" the mother of the nur, the nanny, and the, now trying to persuade me to open my voice, but again these words seem to be stuck in my throat, I can't tell him. I can only shake my head with tears that I keep wiping with my hands so as not to constantly come out. Sorry mom, nur already made mom disappointed