My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
sinful feeling
after chatting for a while with Gus luthfi I continued my steps towards the library.
"assalamualaikum" I say greetings when entering the library so that my intentions and steps are facilitated and given in seeking knowledge, moreover, this library is where the books are stored in its many sciences that can be learned by every human being.
"waalaikumsalam wr wb" replied someone from the inside who turned out it was an AIDA ustadzah who is now part of guarding the library. I smiled kindly at him and then immediately continued my steps towards the books lined up neatly on the library nightstands, my intention today is to come here to finish the notes that the early graduate requested at that time. I've got the book I'm looking for, which is a book on how to write accountability reports that have been completed year after year, actually just to match the fear of something lacking or wrong in writing. I want to walk to an empty table but accidentally my feet hummed, and brukkkk,,,,, and,,, my body fell on the nightstand so that the neatly arranged books were partially dropped because of my actions and my head was a little bloody because it hit the nightstand in front of me.
"innalilahi, is it okay?" the AIDA Ustadzah approached me with a run, probably because I was shocked to hear the impact and the book falling.
"nothing ustadzah, Afwan his book so messy" I replied with a little smile because it felt bad already make the library messy
"mashallah, anti-blood forehead ukhti.we go to the poststren aja yuk" he asked while gently touching my shoulder
"ah yes, but it's okay ko ustdzah just a little bit of his bloody" I said while holding my forehead, actually the pain was dizzy again maybe because of the impact was quite hard earlier
"the rich anti-sprain legs, if forced to stand ana afraid even so swollen. briefly ana ask for help out first, anti-patience ya wait here for a moment" ustadzah AIDA then came out in a bit of a hurry to ask for help, because it just so happens that today's library is only me and him. not five minutes AIDA's body has returned and immediately approached me with someone who I don't know who, because I just lowered my head to hold my feet which now really hurt.
"innalilahi, anti no why, right?" said a man whose voice like his I know, I immediately turned my eyes to the origin of the voice that is now sitting crouching in front of me. ah yes Gus hafidz turned out.
"this "ustdzah of AIDA why is it like this? yes, now we just take it directly to the poststren so that it can be treated immediately" I saw there was a panic in his face that somehow the meaning of the expression. "anti can stand up?" she continued asking me with her eyes, ah I really don't understand why she seems so worried about me.
"cannot gus, had tried to stand while being swept by me but it seems like a sprain so hard to make way" Ustadah AIDA immediately replied before I answered him
"wearing socks, right? can you open the shoes?" without me answering he immediately opened my shoes "unstdzah as a witness yes, because this madhorot and ana only touch the outside of her nurain feet and it was using socks" Gus hafidz said to AIDA's ustadzah as if asking for his permission. You know, even to the AIDA ustadzah instead of me, this is my leg that is touched not his leg. well walopun I was wearing socks but still I felt sinful because it was as if I could not keep her from touching a man who was not my mahrom. my tears immediately flowed as Gus hafidz began to touch and gently massage my ankles, not because of the pain in my legs that made me cry, but more to the feeling of regret because I seemed to fail to keep myself for him who will become my priest later.Yes, God walopun I know this touch is done in a madhorot state, but somehow I seem unwilling, I seem to fail to keep myself from a man who is not my mahrom. Sin do I O God?? :'((