My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
Engagement

POV Gus hafidz

it is devastated to hear this feeling when the state of the most loved wife lies weakly helplessly.Even to stand alone, it feels like this leg is not strong enough to support his own body.

'apang lament nur, pardon dear brother'

this heart cannot stop regretting the events that caused the wretched nature, it feels like it wants to turn the clock.

if there was no curiosity about what his best friend Aisyah would say,

if only this heart could control so as not to worry too much about Aisyah,

if only it had followed Nurain,

if and if what is now milling in my mind, perhaps none of this would have happened.O Allah, this is my weakest point at this time.

"son, my dear Istighfar.you do not be like this, we still have hope for the recovery of your wife.remember your child who is now born into the world.he really needs you at this time, he really needs you at this time, he said, istighfar nak's"

umma words that try to remind and strengthen my heart as if it can not be digested by logic that is mastered deep sadness.

"istighfar son, Auntie is sure you are strong to face all of this. You pray that your wife will be healthy again as usual.you do not be like this, pity your son if his father is desperate. you still have obligations that you have to walk right. Now you join Auntie well see your son, he is not yet in Adjani"

Aunt Rini was right, I forgot my obligation to our daughter.I should be able to be strong for my son, if nurain saw my weakness, he would also definitely be more disappointed in me.

'pardon my dear brother, again the attitude of your brother makes you disappointed'

"no papa bah, hafidz can"

I said to Babah who was trying to help me to stand up.

"you're strong, Abah knows it"

babah said as we walked along following Dr. Rini to see the baby who had just been delivered by Nurain.

"only hafidz is allowed in, if you want to see from behind the glass only well"

"yes doc"

answer umma, Farah, and the others.

how happy and sad it was to mix into one, when I saw a beautiful baby girl, she was lying there moving her tiny legs and hands.

without waiting for long, I immediately echoed the adhan in his ears. These tears were unceasingly coming out, crying over all the regrets that still mount in the heart.

"beautiful daughter Abi, you are strong well dear.I'm sorry Abi who made you unable to see your earthly smile when we first came to this world.But Abi promised, Abi promised, god willing soon you will see your earthly smile and feel how warm his embrace.we both pray Agam umi cepet healed, cepet re-assembled with us"

I talked to the baby who was now in front of me. His eyes were so similar to the nurain, beautiful and shady.

~

Aisyah POV

"isy, I don't think you can see hafidz now. let alone her child who will definitely need her mother"

mother whispered, when we both saw her baby hafidz from the outside.

I just quietly listened without responding.I was too focused on looking at hafidz who was like he was taking his baby to talk, but with tears that kept flowing on his cheeks.

no one was crying in this room, when he saw the tiny baby moving his whole body like he was looking for his mother.

well, I'm sure the beautiful baby knows how her mother is doing now because she can feel what her parents are feeling.

'sorry Auntie yes son, because it has become the cause of your mother as it is now'

I touched the glass of the room as if I were touching the baby.

"son, we go home now. It's late, especially tomorrow your engagement.mom don't want you too tired, let's be tomorrow after the event, after the event, we're here again to see his wife nak hafidz"

mother said in a soft voice, as we all sat back in the front seat of the operating room.

"aisy, you can't go home before Aisy sees the state of nurain"

"but tonight we're not all allowed to see it yet, so according to mom we go home first"

"yes, I want aisy, better get aisy home, get some rest"

"but umma,__"

"tomorrow is a special event for you, son. lest you get sapped because you wait here.you just calm down well, tomorrow after the event is over you can come back here, you can come back here, that's if you don't feel tired"

"well umma, aisy go home first. If there's anything please tell aisy"

"definitely darling, umma must have told you"

after saying goodbye to Umma and Farah, except for babah and hafidz who were going to the mosque, my mother and I immediately went to step out of the room.

"blessing Mom, Aisy wants to see her son hafidz one more time before coming home"

I said as I turned towards the baby care room.

"he looks like hafidz huh Ma? but her eyes resembled her mother's, beautiful and shady"

I said as I continued to look at the baby

"but Ma'am, because Aisy she couldn't see her mother's face when she first saw this world. Because aisy, her mother couldn't hear the first crying sound her daughter was born with, because Aisy too, the tiny baby can't feel her mother's breast milk for a while, and it's not until when,, the,hiks"

once again, these eyes are wet again because of the guilt that can never be lost from this heart

"you must not constantly blame yourself son, no one wants the situation as it is today, we never know, the wisdom behind all of this. be patient and confident, that's what we can do now. I'm sure, if his wife hafidz will be healed again. insyaallah"

"god, amen Ma'am"

"yes now we go home well, it's getting late at night"

I just nodded, and followed my mother's words to go home.

the next day, her,

everyone is busy preparing banquets and home decorations for my hitbah or engagement event which will be held in a few minutes.

all the immediate family, whether from the mother or the father had gathered, wanted to see a day that some people thought was a special day, but somehow, not for me at this time.

I doubt I will continue this engagement, let alone my mind still not be able to move on from the current state of nurain and hafidz.

even my feelings, to be honest, still can't be completely open to another heart, but,,,, you know, I can't,,,,

"mashallah my mother's daughter is very beautiful, although closed, but from the look of your eyes one can see how beautiful her mother's daughter is"

I just smiled in response to mom's praise.

"now we're out yuk, the group is already on the come. the event will soon start"

mother took my hand, irrigated me into the room where the event was held.

all eyes were on me, when I entered the show room.it felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, if it should be noticed like this. let alone ka Alfan, who as I looked towards her at a glance, he seemed to be unceasingly looking at me.

we sat separately, he was with his parents and I was with my parents.

the event soon began, beginning with the recitation of the Qur'an, sholawat and more, to the point where her mother Ka Alfan pinned a ring on my ring finger.

it feels, why is this heart not willing. Because this is not what I really want. But, am I not the one who gave this opportunity to ka Alfan? lord, please help me to control my heart so as not to make mistakes.

"Alhamdulillah event after event has been done very smoothly and Hidmat.but by the way, it was from the family of the bridegroom whispered to me, he said,,, geumm,,, how,,,,,,, he said,,,,if only they were halted?"

said the MC who managed to make my heart beat fast.

"NO,, DON'T"

I said spontaneously, because this heart rejects it without hesitation.

"waahhh, the rich, the bride was immediately shocked to hear my joke hehe. just calm down beautiful, not directly halalkan ko. the groom is still willing to be patient to give space for his candidate, is not that kang Alfan?"

all chuckling at the MC's jokes and my reaction that they might find funny.

but I saw ka Alfan, looking at me with a gaze that I do not understand.Is it possible that he knows how I feel at this time his true still can not accept him fully?

ah, I am confused by my own feelings. What should I do next???