My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
I'm not the usual

POV Gus hafidz

at nine o'clock in the evening I and Arif just arrived at the apartment. I immediately sat on the living room chair just unwind from the trip, because the distance of the bookstore and my apartment is quite far. arif also sat next to me, then stood back up and walked towards the kitchen.

"drink first bang" Arif thrust a glass of water at me

"Syukron" I immediately drank the water given by Arif. then I stood up to go to my room

"Rif, you're in the room first, aren't you? Arif don't sleep too late"

"ready to do it"

I immediately opened my clothes, and then walked into the bathroom just to clean the body before going to bed. Because the feeling is uncomfortable if it runs out from the outside and immediately sleep without bathing first. after the bath, I immediately perform the prayer isya, in the room only. because it is also already night so I do not go to the mosque. After praying I had time to do dhikr and tadarus of the Qur'an, I did not go to the mosque, also do not forget to pray for my good, my family, teachers, friends and definitely her, Nurain.

"yes ALLAH, yes muqollibal qullub tsabbit qolbii 'ala diinik. ya maushoripal qulub shorrip quluubana 'ala tho'aatika. Allahumma Inni audzubika minal hammi wal huzni wal ajzi wal kasali wal bukhli wal jubni wal dholaid daini wa gholabatir rijali."

"o Allah, the most generous of all in goodness, help me, please help this weak servant. you who are all-seeing the human heart from all anxiety, you who guard the human heart from all anxiety, and you are also all-knowing of the contents of every heart of your servants including me. I am now weak because I think of someone who is far away. Guilt now haunts me, because it has made her sad.Would I be wrong with this feeling, O Allah? I who already love her but also have done wrong to her. I beg you to calm her heart, and open her heart to give her forgiveness to me. o your God who gives this love to me, then I beg you to take care and maintain this feeling to always be fitrah.if my current anxiety is excessive, then forgive me and calm this heart back as usual.so with his heart, give peace and quiet to him, and to him, even though he is now facing your trials, I ask that you always keep his heart to always be calm and patient in living it. I really love him, I really love him, until I do not want to see her grieving, do not want to hear her crying, then I leave her guard away from these eyes, to you, because you are the best guard over your servant"

tonight I am swept away in prayer to the prayer-bearer, the giver of all goodness, that He may take care of my loved ones, I love.

'nur, may the anti there be alright. I can only pray for the good for you from here.

nur, if you know how much I miss seeing you smile, seeing you frown and hearing your babble with your friends. truly it is one of the most beautiful parts that God has created through you for me.

nur, if the time comes for me to acknowledge and say my heart against you, will the anti be happy to hear it? will the anti welcome ana with a smile? or just the opposite?

nur, if today my name is not in your do'a, then I hope tomorrow God will tell my do'a about you, so that the anti know how pure this is for you'

I looked up at the ceiling of my room while sleeping on my back thinking of someone far away.he wanted to close his eyes but could not because of the guilt that still haunts.

"lho, Rif's still not sleeping?" asked me when I saw Arif was still sitting on the chair with a book in his hand

"not yet bang,,hee" she replied with a cry

"isya praying?" ask me again because I noticed his clothes are still the same as the one he was wearing came out with me.

"not yet bang, hehehe"

"mashallah, pray first, even though there is information about it may end the prayer isya because of something, but it would be better if it comes first, is not it?"

"iya bang, Afwan. Keasikan read a book about it"

"yes, pray first"

Arif nodded and immediately rushed to his first room which he now occupied during his stay with me. My apartment was indeed quite large with adequate facilities.one kitchen, one living room, one living room, one tv room, three rooms and each room is equipped with a bathroom each. also the most important is the balcony of my apartment overlooking the beautiful view of the city, especially if the night is so enchanting.

finished making milk white, I brought her a glass in my hand to sit on the balcony, see the panorama of the moon and her beautiful bright city with lights on. I sipped the milk little by little by looking straight at the vast expanse of God's earth. it did not feel forty-five minutes I have sat here and I see Arif also did not come out of his room again.maybe he was asleep, deep sleep, so I decided to sleep because these eyes at least began to feel tired.

~

the next morning, I woke up with the same feeling. let alone last night I re-dreamed of nurain.I see he was still pensive while looking straight at the vast lake, which is still the same, I don't know where the lake is, but obviously when I approached her, she just looked straight at me no words came out of her lips. even when I asked what he was doing here, he just stared at me for a while and then looked back at the lake in front of him. Really this feeling torments me. What's wrong with nurain? is he really angry and hateful towards me. astaghfirullah,,,

after the morning prayer, I took my mobile phone located on the table near the bed. I intend to contact Nurain by telephone and apologize to him directly. maybe that way my heart will be relieved and not restless anymore.

but,, is it okay if I talk to Nurain? will umma allow it? ah yes, today at home there must be no one because umma and others must be again in Sumedang, and at home there is only BI nani. I returned to take my phone, and I have a new phone, what I just put on the mattress. if Nurain does not want to talk to me how? or it turns out he is still in school because today is still his exam schedule, right? ah,, again I doubt and keep his phone back.but what's wrong if I try to contact first who knows my feelings are wrong, but if true how?. masyaallah,,, this is why it's like this, I'm not my real self. To call and talk just the taste of his mouth is so difficult, so stiff.astaghfirullah,,,