My Cry and My Happiness Are In Your Home
I Who Have Forgotten
Monday morning, I decided to fast the Sunnah, so I could go to the madrasah early to study or just read a glimpse, the lesson that today is about to be tested. because all night these eyes can't stop crying until I don't have time to learn, but this morning at least my feelings can be a little calmer, a little more calm, although actually these eyes are a little sleepy because of a little sleep time.
"nur,, wait" Maryam called me as I passed by her room
"bareng yes, ana also wants to go to class early in the morning" he said by holding my shoulder. I just nodded with a smile sign of agreement.
"wouldn't papa nur?" maryam looked at me with a worried look, probably because she saw my slightly swollen eyes this morning
"ana no papa ko Iam" I answered simply with a smile to assure that I was okay.
"kalo can ana tau anti ngelakuin what mistakes nur?" Mary asked the same thing as my other friends.
"Sir, ana wants to read before the test bell starts?" I'm reluctant to talk about that which only makes me angry at myself. It's true, indeed, no one knows about what offences I and others have committed except those in court last night. they'll know when we're punished at the same time.
Maryam just silently nodded, and understood that I did not want to discuss it first.
pkl 08.30 wib bell rang, we all sat on a bench that has been determined no test each. during the test I lack concentration because I still think what punishment I will receive, I still think, plus my body is less fit because all night can't sleep, but bismillah,, hopefully I can finish this exam until the end.
adzan duhur reverberated, all santri sons and daughters had begun to disperse from their respective classes.santri putri prayed congregated in musholla while santri putra diasjid Jami pesantren. finished praying, pray, all return to their respective rooms.if my class adek-adek enter madrasah or school, while class XII refocus each study for preparation the next day.because if again the exam class XII, class XII, class X and XI will move the admission schedule to noon after the XII class exam is completed. This afternoon I chose to study at the musholla to be more solemn because the atmosphere is quiet and cool. but before starting to learn the lesson for tomorrow, I chose to tadarus first.The verse I read this time is QS al-hasyr. I read verse by verse with full Hidmat. I try to understand every meaning contained in each verse until it reaches verse 18
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَلْتَنْظُرْ نَفْسٌ مَا قَدَّمَتْ لِغَدٍ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ
I was silent, weeping contemplating every sin that was upon me, contemplating every favor I went through without gratitude, contemplating every breath I breathed only for the pleasure of the world, contemplating my every laugh that seems to forget tomorrow I may cry, as in the gospel of the LORD, perhaps this is a reprimand for me who is too cool with my world, but being able to make my feelings turn into such a great fear.
I continue reading in the following verse :
وَلَا تَكُونُوا۟ كَٱلَّذِينَ نَسُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ فَأَنسَىٰهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ ۚ أُو۟لَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَٰسِقُونَ
in this verse, I am drifting in the arms of tears that are increasingly flowing in my cheeks.Yes Rabb, I yesterday was so forgotten in my original intention, my obligation here to seek knowledge, I was so engrossed yesterday in the flattery of my friends, that my mouth refused when my friends talked about him, but it seemed to me that my heart enjoyed every whip and flattery of them. I felt arrogant for being someone who was expected by him when maybe it was just a warning for me to be able to learn more before I left this cottage. forgive me, O God,, you know,,, forgive Ade Bu,, father.