THE BATTLEFIELD OF LOVE
Episodes 3. Could You See Me Standing Here?!
I have a secret I've kept for years.
James Wilson
She was my first love.
I remember the first time I realized it was summer when he came back for summer vacation.
I'm 13 and he's 19.
I haven't seen him in 3 years. Dad's been gone a few months. We are sad, but I still have my brother next to me.
In three years he changed a lot. It was like looking at him who was still a child when he left London for Senior High School and suddenly overnight turned into a handsome prince of white riding.
"Hi Tootsie,..." I didn't answer when he greeted me. I was too fascinated to see it then. For God's sake, he's very different.
"Hey you're okay..." He ruffled my hair, I was instantly shocked and my heart skipped a beat. Maybe I still looked like a little girl to her.
"I'm good..." My face was hot, that time I was completely misbehaved. The first time in my life I was misbehaved by the presence of a man. And he's a friend of my brother's. To me now he looks like the perfect handsome prince.
I liked it at first sight.
"Your school's good? You must be sad about your father..." He looked at me with sympathy. I lost my father of course, but somehow it was like I still had someone else. My brother, my second protector.
"I'm doing fine. There's still Kenneth. We'll be fine." He nodded and sat next to me.
"Of course Ken loves you very much..." He ruffled my hair back. I just smiled and let it go. I enjoyed his attention no more than a little boy who had his brother's attention.
She came back again the following summer and I could only watch her go together with sister. Of course I can't reach her I'm just a little girl who's just a teenager.
These are young people who are enjoying their youth. Girls and party parties with beer and alcohol. And I was a little High School girl who was 6 years different from them, her best friend's little sister.
He never knew I only admired him from afar. And I don't want to tell him either. It was so embarrassing, even I was embarrassed if she accidentally looked at me.
I'm just an innocent little girl admiring her prince.
But the next year my bad luck began. My brother died in an accident. A tragic hit-and-run when a drunk driving his car when he was just about to get home from college.
At that time I started living alone and my protector was gone forever until today I walk alone.
And now I'm walking into my little house on Elvira Lane. The house is twenty minutes from rumas sak. I'm taking my mom to live here.
This is not an impressive environment of course, simple housing can probably be said to be gloomy. Only El Paso is a safe city because many of its military members are army housing and the largest pensioners contain more than 10,000 people.
A small two-bedroom house I rented 4 years ago. Rent is not expensive only $850 per month. And first I rented it only to command a salary in the range of $40,000 per year. I've reached above $60,000 because of my hard work and competence, but I didn't get anything in the early years because I had to pay the student loan.
The small kitchen and living room that was incorporated on the first floor looked messy. Somehow it might be said to be rarely tidied up. Our equipment is just an old sofa. The dining table is simple.
I don't know where to go, it's her day off. He works in one of the mini markets in the area, I don't know. He won't bother tidying up this flat.
Maybe go to a pub for a drink. He's loved to drink since brother's death. He didn't work at all before, he spent my Dad and Sister's savings, even my education savings on himself.
And now he's spending the money I gave him to drink and have fun. If I could I'd like to go. But he's the only family I have.
Maybe until now maybe he still can't accept that my proud Father and Brother were taken from him. I don't know if she'd never put any hope in me.
I made a sandwich for myself. That's the only material in my fridge right now. The door opened and my mother came home. This time he was not drunk. Maybe go with his friends.
"Please make me... " He sat in front of me. I handed him my new sandwich. I went to make another.
"Just home..."
"Yes." Yeah." I answered briefly.
"You work hard, but you achieve nothing..." I didn't respond to him. I stacked the egg bacon and some eggs on my bread. And start breathing.
"You should go to the salon to improve your appearance, find a rich doctor who will pay for your life. I told you before. You just groped my words the wind then." I just took a long breath.
"You suck ..." The words this time provoked my emotions.
"I'll make it with my own hands Mom. What do you think we've been living with all this time!"
"Ohh live in this cramped house you say live! You make me laugh!" He replied to my words with his exaggerated style.
"You made us live like this. You're the one who made me almost drop out of school you don't remember!" I'm not done talking.
"I'm just being a poor nurse like you said it was your fault. I even had to pay for my own education. Have you ever thought about that. Have you ever been fair to me. Our lives are like this, it's all your fault!" I finally spoke in a high tone. He was silent and did not answer me.
I left the kitchen quickly while carrying my food and slammed the door of my room. Now I'm too angry even to face him.
Many times I tried to accept that maybe he was depressed by the loss of my father. I know he's the type that depends on Dad. His life is to make the house cheerful. And the loss of two life support men instantly overturned his world.
But as soon as Father and Sister left, she never even thought I existed. I am not his son either. I have no future for him.
I hate his treatment of me.
I hate being beautiful, I don't want to be beautiful. I hate the lives of women who depend on men. I just want to have a lot of money and prove to my mom I'm worth it too. It's not just the man who can support my family.
I've been too tired to cry since my brother's departure. I'm not gonna cry for my nuns anymore. My mother could cry for their life. But I can fight for my own life.
I swore I would prove to her that I could stand on my own feet without following her understanding that women should depend on men.
I'll prove it to him.