THE BATTLEFIELD OF LOVE
Episode 4's. The Sad Times's.
After yesterday's fight I left early in the morning from home. I don't want to see Mom at all. Meeting him made my chest tight.
The weather was clear this morning. Summer in June. El Paso is a region that can be said to have a dessert, the difference between winter and heat is quite large, although most of us receive a lot of sun.
I went to Ascarate Park for a jog early in the morning. Or do anything to avoid meeting my mother today.
And now I'm just sitting next to Lake Ascarate. Silent contemplate. And because I met James somehow I miss my brother Kenneth so much now.
"You must be a great doctor." Kenneth always said that. My brain isn't as brilliant as Kenneth's who's been following my dad in architect college. But I tried so hard to be like him. I aspire to be a doctor like Father and Mother James.
"Definitely..." I have always lived up to his expectations excitedly.
She's my protector. I can talk to her more than I can talk to Mom. When he left, a huge shock occurred in my life. I kind of lost my grip and Mom didn't see me around at all.
For months if I'm sad I'm always here I complain to her belly button in Dallas. Talked in her house until I was tired of crying. Slowly we can crawl again.
She was buried in our hometown of Dallas and I brought Mom here just because I was afraid she'd kill herself if she lived in Dallas alone. Oh, he tried it before of course. To kill his own life like I'm here means nothing to him.
Maybe somehow I think Kenneth is always next to me. I don't know, but sometimes I believe that. That he was still beside me and with me.
Maybe because I just missed him so much. My eyes warmed up just like that and a tear escaped. It's stupid, Kenneth's long gone.
"Jen..." Like someone's voice calling me? I'm looking.
"James..." Why is he here? I wiped my tears quickly with the end of my jacket hand. I must look ridiculous.
"Hi Doc, what are you doing here..." I greeted him quickly.
"You okay?" I still wiped my face from the tears and tried to smile.
"I'm fine...." I smiled awkwardly and felt bad because she looked at me with pity.
"Are you crying because of a breakup..." I laughed immediately.
"No, of course not... I just thought about Kenneth lately I guess because I saw you again."
"You know this place..." He was seen in jogging clothes, what was his residence here.
"I've been through this area once...I live in Franklin Bluff, you live where, I've never asked him.
"Not far, I'm near Avalon Hall." I mentioned a place near me that many people knew.
"Ohh, it's not far it's probably only 10 minutes drive."
"I heard from Dr. Richard you're gonna take a special scholarship offer for CRNA..." James seems to know. Maybe Dr. Richard told her.
"Yes, maybe August has already started college first..."
"You can do it." James stopped and looked at me. "Ken used to say you wanted to be a doctor. Why don't you go straight to the meds..." I smiled wryly.
"You know, I wanted to be a doctor because I saw Aunt Jane as a kid. He looks great in his doctor's shirt. I was always amazed when I saw him go to work with your father. And once I started jumping into nursing, being able to help others and seeing them get better was a relief. Just sometimes being a nurse here isn't so much fun..."
"really. I'm glad my mom has an admirer, you never told me..." She smiles. He's got a smile that can make you melt like spring ice. For a moment I was just glued to see it and a small beat from the past scared me.
"You're not my level. I mean, we used to be quite a long way apart... " I'm just a little boy the sister of his best friend. That simple.
"Right, the last time we met you was still .. 14 years old, Ken and I were two years into college." He's right, that feels like a long time ago. Thirteen years ago.
"Then why don't you become a doctor instead of a nurse. You haven't answered my question..."
"I borrowed government college funds and only available Nursing."
"Loan college funds?!" James was surprised. Of course, he must be confused with my situation which suddenly had to access a college loan.
"Why do you have to borrow college funds...?"
"Hmm. Things aren't always good." I don't want him to know that's all.
"Isn't your mother still with you. Is he sick?"
"He's fine..." I want to change the subject quickly. "How about you, Uncle and Aunt are still working?"
"Mom's a little sick, Dad's healthy he's still eager to work."
"Ohh yeah Aunt Jane's sick..."
"His heart is a little troubled. He's had a stroke." I'm nodding.
"Why did you move to El Paso, it's just a small town compared to New York. You know if you join the Medic Corps you can be thrown anywhere in this part of the world."
"Hmm .. Just assume I want to find a new atmosphere... Manhattan ... too ..." He quietly stopped not talking for a moment, as if there were some hard-to-remember memories of the city. "Too ..difficult to forget."
"Heh...it's too hard to forget, you broke up?" It's her turn to laugh now. But he didn't answer my question. Before long he was silent. Maybe what he was going through was so hard he might lose his lover.
"I lost a man I loved in Manhattan, we were almost married. I was planning on proposing to her before she died in an accident..."
"I'm sorry..." So that's why it's stranded here.
"What's wrong .. it was a year ago." Even though it had been a year it seemed that he still had trouble coping with it.
"I have an appointment with some doctors to have lunch with them, the doctors here are very friendly. Thanks for this chat." She smiled at me
"Of course, you're free to go Doc... I'm still here any minute."
"See you tomorrow..." He's quiet for a second. "Jen, if you need any help, don't hesitate to tell me..." I smiled he seemed to be indeed the angel that Kenneth had sent.
"I'm fine James. But thank you...See you tomorrow."
And he waved.
I saw his back growing further away. For some reason, this time Kenneth's shadow is seen walking with him.
If Kenneth is alive.
Maybe I'm already a doctor like James, my life will be completely different.