THE BATTLEFIELD OF LOVE
Part 27's. Trauma 3
I then locked myself in my room, had no tears to cry anymore, no hope of being saved again, had suicidal thoughts alone, she said, but having no courage I can only wait for the last moment by looking at sleeping pills.
My last sight was the yellowing afternoon sunlight of that summer. I wish I never knew it again, but a miracle happened, when I realized I could meet Mom and Dad in heaven. But then when I came to my senses and opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Eliza. And I still sometimes can't believe that I was given a second chance, the miracle I've been able to live up to now.
But trauma is trauma, such near-death events are not things that can be easily forgotten. I've been struggling with nightmares every night for months.
Even though I can't remember a single scene for six months I don't have any control over my body. It sometimes appears in nightmares, or sudden panic attacks. Slowly after all these years it diminished altogether.
And one thing, since then I can't see blood. The blood would trigger a panic attack the inner part of the trauma that was rooted in my mind.
I was talking to a group of colleagues at the party's young colleague party invitation when they poured red wine.
And this is when this dark red wine in my hand looks like blood. I began to vividly remember my infected bitten hand, a chill crept down my back immediately and my eyes were pushy, my breath quickened and my hands trembled.
"Svetluny, are you okay?" A call reached me. I struggled hard to catch my breath. But my hands are still trembling. The moment the glass fell, the splash of liquid on the floor made me scream and my legs were squeezing and falling while looking at the red splash. Blood, my hands are bleeding! I'm gonna die.
"Monica?! What's up?" This voice, this is Alexsey's voice, I saw it but I couldn't make a sound. My breath was wheezing, my heart was beating too fast and fear was creeping over me. I tried to get away from his hand."Monic?!"
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...Panic attacks (panic attacks) are the sudden appearance of excessive fear or anxiety for no apparent reason. This condition can last for a few minutes to half an hour....
...Panic attacks are characterized by a rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, muscle tension, or trembling. This condition can occur at any time, either while on the move or when resting....
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"Monica!" I know it's Andrew's voice. But I can't control this fear and panic. I think I'll be dead soon. People are swarming around me, maybe they feel sorry to see me dying. "Please give me some space, don't swarm! He's having a panic attack!" Andrew gave the order and patted me on the cheek for me to look at him.
"Monic look at me! You're here, this is a safe place! Look at me, everything's safe." All I saw was my hand being bitten, the fear of death and my father, my mother who had become infected.
"Blood, I'm infected..."
"Monica! Eliza, look at me, Eliza saved you." The first thing I saw was Eliza when I woke up from a coma. I saw Andrew, trying to get to the truth.