THE BATTLEFIELD OF LOVE
Part 108's. My Svetluny is Missing 4
MONICA POV
Three months passed. My mood is slowly getting better, with my busy schedule in London and Paris, I don't have time to think about Alex, as long as I can control my feelings.
I know Alex sent a lot of emails, I've made arrangements, the emails I used to send that last message were not the main email on my phone, the emails I blocked first, so no one poisoned my mind. What has been decided will remain the same, we just have to move forward.
I have made a decision forward, as far as I go as far as I can understand I have made the right decision.
Although I still miss him a lot, sometimes when Albert calls I really hope he brings the news that Alex agrees with my terms, but eventually it never happens, a month, a month, two months but then I felt my hope was in vain, I stopped hoping. He once tried to talk to Eliza but what she was talking about was how she would manage the time between Moscow and Montreal so Eliza countered it.
Now that I finally had my hopes up, it still hurt but it was like the pain was about to heal. It felt a little sad, but I could easily recall our sweet memories without having to cry. It's a pain I can still bear.
When I can make a full peace I'll have Albert return all the expensive gifts he gave me, so I don't have the burden of disappointing him anymore. She was really generous and the gift she gave me made me feel guilty for her.
Anna tried to lure me to talk but couldn't do anything. He said Alexsey wouldn't let me go, I could only smile.
"Anna, you know my reason, I'm gonna ask you, you think.why am I right or wrong."
"Yes I know you're right. But my salary is paid by him I still have to try a little." I laughed with Anna's candor.
"He's not okay."
"Well he's good. Although he's a little gloomy, and irritable now, everyone feels his temperament is difficult, in general he's good."
"Good, she'll slowly forget about me. There will be someone in Moscow who suits him. Maybe his dad's gonna set him up with someone. He doesn't have to go back and forth to Montreal, NY, Moscow all the time."
"Hmm ..yes maybe. But obviously he hasn't given up on you yet. But maybe he's at the stage where he's mad at you because you never got back at him once, you don't feel sorry for him Monic.
Alex tried to talk to me when Anna called, I decided. I rarely received Anna's phone calls again later. Until he tries to reconcile and says he just wants to know my news and nothing like that will ever happen again. This time I got the phone again.
"Yes, you're right."Anna quiet. Maybe he is sad for us.
"Anna, I'll leave you the gift she gave me later."
"Gift? You're gonna give him back the gift he gave you? That'll make him angry. You have to be careful with that." If he gets angry, it doesn't change anything.
"What's wrong. That would speed up Anna's process. Let him be angry, I'm just speeding up what should happen. He has to come forward and me too, I'm just speeding up the river."
I'm actually going to NY for a short shooting moment that has been my contract, after which I will go straight to Milan again. I thought tomorrow I'd stop by Montreal for a bit and stay with Mom to see her.
"That means you're in Montreal now?"
"Ohh no, before I left I left it to my brother, I just asked for it. I'm not going back to Montreal anytime soon. If I can get in touch with my brother I'll tell you." I lied to Anna of course. Maybe Anna doesn't believe it but I don't care. Returning all her gifts made me more detached from guilt.
And after all these gifts came back, he was angry, nothing could be fixed between us. Everything will be normal again.
"Yes okay. You can't give me Monica's face, talk to her for a second? Please..."
"Ann, you want to make me go back to three months ago, every time I think of her I cry. No, we've advanced at least step by step. I'm sorry Ann, I know you're in a difficult position, too. Which would make me talk to him only if he talked to Albert and agreed to my terms. I was cruel to not give him any chance, but it was to make it easier for him too. You know that."
"Yes.yes okay. I'll tell him."
"Sorry Anna."
"It's okay."
It seems that I should shut off my hopes from now on. Can't even hope anymore. It's too hard.